Showers From My Heart

The Rise and Fall of the GENTLEman

2010-10-06T20:07:00.000-07:00

At a highschool volleyball game, I recently struggled into the building with bags on one shoulder and my very heavy 20month old son on my hip. No one opened the door for me, though very capable young men were there to do it. Then as I stepped foot into the hall way, there was water on the floor where the band members were having a water fight. I was in flip-flops and the second my cute little flops met the dirty water on the floor, my feet slipped out from under me. I landed on top of my son. Praise God we were okay. It was definitely not my most graceful moment. None of the boys came to help me up. They just stopped for a moment and stared then went on with their games. One little girl shyly helped this embarrassed, upset, scared mom off the floor. She gathered the contents of my bags and helped me up. I was so saddened my the lack of concern these young boys had for me and my child. Where is the GENTLEman?

In my grief over the rise and fall of the GENTLEman, I remembered a scenario of just the opposite. On my way into McDonald's with my flock of little chicks and all their stuff, a young highschool boy waited for me to get to the door. He opened the door and smiled very graciously to me. I almost cried that he was so considerate and attentive to this momma who definitely needed help dragging my crew to the much anticipated play date. I found him with all his friends and told him how proud his mother would have been.

The following poem was written after much pondering. How could I impact the raising of my children to be considerate, compassionate and compelled to assist one in need.

THE RISE AND FALL OF THE GENTLEMAN
The rise and fall of a GENTLEman
Often lies in the woman's hand.
As a little boy, this "little man"
Was taught by his mother to extend his hand.
In his heart he knew this was right
To be gentle even though he was strong with might.
As he grew, so did his heart to serve
In him a desire to be needed by a "little her".
This "GENTLEman" in the making
Offered to open the door,
To pullout a seat,
But this "little her" was determined
I don't need your help like women before.
In this simple rejection
The "GENTLEman" was defeated.
"Little her" is it worth, "I can do it myself"?
To have a generation of GENTLEmen left in the sand
Of "No thanks I'd rather stand".
So, mother of a "little man" and
Mother of a "little her"
Teach them the gift to serve
And the blessing of being served.
There once was a teacher
You may have heard.
He went out of His way
His followers thought it absurd!
There was a "little her" who sat at a well
The life she was living was sinful hell.
He told her of living water and offered her a drink
Her thirst so unforgettable,
This drink was it a welcomed truth or just a fable?
This "little her" could have said, "No thanks, I enjoy the alone"
But instead she said, "I will drink and take this message home."
A life changed, greatly impacted
By a GENTLEman who acted.
A simple gesture of opening a door
Or choosing the lesser seat on the floor
Tells a "little her" that she is precious and adored
Not by just a stranger but by the LORD!

What is in a name??

2010-09-25T04:36:00.000-07:00

My love language is "words of encouragement". In my file cabinet I have a folder labeled ENCOURAGEMENT. It is stuffed full of letters I've collected over the years sent by many of you. When I am feeling down or discouraged, I will open that folder up and instant sunshine fills my life again.

As a mother, I am constantly looking for ways to encourage my children. Discouragement is POWERFUL, especially in the life of a child. At the beginning of Second grade, Masie's teacher gave an assignment for the parents, "What is in a name?". The parents had to write a letter to the child as to why they chose the child's name and what the name means. My goal in this post is to ENCOURAGE you to do the same. Masie has re-read this letter many times and I am confident she will come back to it in years to come. Begin building an "ENCOURAGEMENT" file for each of your children. Collect notes from teachers, friends or document experiences where you have seen your child stand out. Regardless if you have children or not, I dare you to on purpose look for a child/teenager doing something right. Send them a note, give them a pat on the back or whisper in their ear "extraordinary actions make extraordinary people". Let's not just complain about "kids today" but lets find ways to celebrate them.

*************************************************************************************

Dear Mason Kate,

When we chose your name, Mommy and Daddy knew nothing about you. The color of your hair, the sound of your voice or your personality were all mysteries to us. One fall chilly evening, around a fire pit in our backyard, over steaming cups of coffee, daddy shared his favorite name: Mason Kate. Once he spoke those words, an excitement began to build in my heart. I knew that in a few short months I would meet the one and only Mason Kate.

Did you know that Mason means=works with stone? Little did we know that you would be an avid collector of stones, crystals and fossils. I might even say you are a tiny bit obsessed with stones:) I believe your name also represents the ROCK solid foundation of God's Word. I believe that you, Mason, will work with the stones of God's truth. You will be part of building God's church with these stones every where you go...even as a child.

God is going to use you build strength and truth into the lives of people but you must hide God's Word in your heart. This is the key to a ROCK solid foundation that will guide every decision you will make. You will bring God's sweet presence into the lives of many who's hearts are stone cold and resistant to a relationship with God. You, Mason, must guard your heart from bitterness, jealousy and rage. These things harden our hearts towards God. These things will poison a heart and the earlier they are welcomed into your hearts home the bigger the barrier between you and God. As you have seen dad toss stones from our garden's soil, you to must toss the ugly stones from your life. Make this a habit now while you are young.

Your middle name, Kate, means PURE. "Blessed are the PURE in heart for they will see God". My prayer for you is that in your childhood, your thoughts and actions would remain pure, which will GREATLY impact your ability for purity in adulthood. As your parents, we will do anything we can to help guard the precious gift of purity you have. We will be careful of what you see, hear and play...it's our job. May you always know how much God loves you. He is always quick to forgive and answer us when we call out to Him. We are promised a way out when led into temptation.

Mason Kate, we are ALWAYS for you.

Love,

Your one, only, handpicked by God parents!

Katelyn Mae-It's her Birthday

2010-09-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

Katelyn Mae is FOUR today

How blessed we are that

God sent her our way

September 12th, 2006

Not a drop of rain was in the weather mix

Drought was upon our land,

Rich soil turned to sand

On September 12th in a birthing room,

a little girl was born at almost noon.

With her delicate features, tears ran down my face

Out the window rain drops began to fall at tremendous pace.

God whispered a promise :

As rain refreshed the earth in drought

This child will refresh our lives, restore our souls

Sweet Katelyn Mae has fulfilled this without a doubt.

It is a curious thing to watch a child grow up.

From nursing and cooing

To snotty noses and ah ah chooing

Learning to crawl, to toddle a bit

I watch my four year old cartwheel and skip.

What glorious plans are in store

For our Katelyn Mae -even at four.

Is it possible to keep her at my knee

To tickle and giggle and curl her up next to me.

I know that one day she will be grown

A wife, children, a home of her own.

However, until that season

I will take the time to play, instruct and reason

Sing loudly, instruct gently and pray with out ceasing.

Lord, today on Katelyn's first day of four

Use me to introduce your Love like never before.

Prepare Katelyn's heart to make You her home.

Keep my feet home more often,

Let not these childhood moments be stolen or forgotten.

If and when the day gets dark

Let me remember the promise you brought

When Katelyn Mae was born

Restoration, refreshment,

Gentle words whisperd,

Her heart for reconciliation is not the norm.

Use her Lord as a lover of peace

May she impact all she meets with mercy

Even if it's in Greece!

Use her to fulfill your promise of refreshment

For the plans for Katelyn Mae are heaven sent.

Happy Birthday Kitten Kat Katie!

HIS sheep am i

2010-08-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

Below is an excerpt from my quiet time this morning. It is an earnest cry of my heart to be found faithful.

The Good Shepherd:

Shouldn't Shepherds feed their sheep?

Destruction is certain for those who feed themselves but let their flocks go hungry.
The Good Shepherd, searches for the lost, tends to the sick, broken and bound. Ezekiel 34

FORGIVE me Lord for feeding myself, for getting fat and full
For sitting so comfortable.

YOU are The Good Shepherd and i am your sheep.
I can delight in your promises.
Your ways are not hard to keep.
Show me Lord your heart for your flock.
Teach me to fight and protect them from
The enemy who scoffs and mocks.

YOU are The Good Shepherd - Your sheep am i.
YOU searched for me when i was lost and alone.
YOU mended my heart and brought me into Your home.
YOU are The Good Shepherd who knows my name.
YOU will teach me your ways so i may shepherd the same.

Who are the sheep YOU are bringing to me?

Find me faithful to teach them to sing.
Find me faithful to teach them Holy toil.
Find me faithful to show them how to cultivate rich soil.

YOU are The Good Shepherd.
YOU are my King.
The sound of your voice I know
All i am, to YOU i bring.

Hope for restoration sounds too good to be true.
May I not grow weary in bringing this flock back to YOU.
YOU will lead me.
YOU will be my guide.
For i am Your sheep
Who walks by The Good Shepherd's side.

From The Heart Of A Child

2010-07-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

As Ryan tucked the girls in tonight, he prayed a simple prayer over our 3 yr old, Katelyn. He asked God to protect her from the dangers in this world. Masie responded, "Dad, do you know what the most dangerous thing in the world is? It is following the path made by sinners".

Chew on that one for a while!

Stacy

Catching Up!

2010-06-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

Well, Summer is in full swing at our house. School is out. As a mother with outside commitments, the change in schedule has had its challenges. Ryan and I tag team the kiddos- when he's home I work, when I work he's home. Thank goodness this is only for a short season. It's hard to have a good solid relationship when you see each other in passing. The great thing about Ryan is that he knows I can't function successfully without time with him. This morning before work our day started with coffee on the front porch just as the sun was starting to rise. Not a bad start to a Friday.

Our daughter, Katelyn learned how to swim without floaties last week. It is amazing that it only took a few short lessons with Ryan before she got the hang of it. It was so clear to me the influence this man has in the lives of our children. I am so glad that he taught her to swim. It built such huge trust between Katelyn and Ryan. She learned that when daddy says, "I've got you", he really does. Her confidence and smile just beam from her like the rays of sunshine we've been blessed with.

Masie was baptised this month. Ryan and I waited about a year after she "believed the free gift of grace and forgiveness" was for her. There are two things that indicated to us an authentic personal relationship with Jesus - the first was unprompted repentance. Not just, "Don't come out of the room until you tell me you are sorry". I have been so blessed when my 7 yr old on her own approaches me with a repentant heart over a sin she has committed against me or another. I can't imagine how precious this is in the sight of the Lord. The other sign of her own walk with God, is her willingness to obey His voice. Many times, Masie has acted on "promptings"...speaking a blessing to someone, coloring a picture for a co-worker of mine going through a tough time, passing along a scripture, spending her toothfairy money on gumballs for everyone but herself. We have witnessed amazing growth, maturity and love in this child's life. It was with great pride and honor that Ryan baptised her with many others at our church picnic.

Our son Gunner, is 18 months old now. Time goes so quickly. This lil dude has amazing blue eyes and it is a good thing! He would get a lot more spankings if those eyes didn't pierce your soul every time you looked into them. He is a very mechanical child, not interested AT ALL in anything resembling a toy. He wants ballpoint pens to disassemble, remote controls to remove the batteries, water spickits to turn on and off, dog water bowls to stand in, tractor rides with Poppy, TV to turn on and off, toilets to flush who knows what, cabinets to hide his shoes in...anything but TOYS. He is funny, full of personality, a total flirt and has stolen our hearts. How is it that he knows how to be tough? How did he learn so quickly that pulling Katelyn's hair is a quick way to annoy and harm his sister? How does he know when to raid the doll house and throw all the doll furniture out of its tiny home? Gunner has made our life very interesting, tons of fun and a little exhausting to keep up with.

Recently, I got news of being accepted to attend a "Writers and Speakers" conference in Colorado. I am so excited to see how God uses this conference to give me vision for my future, encouragement for the day and strength for great improvements. Sally Clarkson will be leading it in her home. There will be 30 other women attending the conference. I've been praying for the person that I get to room with. Leaving your children for any length of time can be tough - even exhausting just working out the logistics. I know God has a plan and that His fingerprints can be found in the details (just look around). I am looking to prepare for the conference by cleaning house spiritually. Taking inventory so to speak of unconfessed sin, unproductive habits, and what is God saying to me through His Word. I am looking forward to sharing this with you in the next few weeks.

Summer always has a way of flying by. May we not let time pass too quickly through our busy hands. Take time to play, to take a nap, to finish a project, to read a book. My goal for tomorrow is that I would be intentional at least once to ask each child, "want to play".

Stacy

Memorial Day: America's Most Expensive Vacation

2010-05-30T17:29:00.001-07:00

As I was looking for a picture to describe my prayers for our Nation this one captured it the best...reunion.

There have been several "AWE" moments in my life time where it becomes very apparent to me how costly freedom is. The first was September 11th. I will never forget where I was when I heard the news. My country under attack. Do you remember how it felt to feel so completely vulnerable? So unsure of the future? I remember laying in bed that night wondering what if something terrible happened to our country while I slept. How different Sept. 12 was going to be. A fear pierced tender places in my soul that I didn't even know existed.

The day after 9-11, my cousin signed up to defend and protect his country. Growing up, I remember playing war with him, all his childhood camo gear, his "hide outs" from the enemy (me). He told me, "All I ever wanted to be was a soldier". He served 2 tours of duty in Iraq. He has earned 2 purple hearts. His future is forever changed because he rose to the occasion. I went to sleep 9-11 wondering if I would wake to another attack and he went to sleep preparing to attack. Do you remember 9-11? For his sake I wish you would.

Several years ago, I came across an article in Texas Monthly featuring a friend from high school. He was a paratrooper. I'd never heard of that branch of service before. They are the guys that jump from airplanes in the middle of the night and rescue our soldiers, his brothers. In his article, he reflected on the places his boots had taken him and how serene it was when his service time was up. How strange it must have been to pack those boots away. How does one return? How does one man or woman survive war even if they come away without a scrape? Reading that article, moved me. It moved me from being a safe, self absorbed and oblivious stay at home mom to being ever conscious of the gift freedom is.

Several "AWE" moments of freedom I have encountered have to do with the wives here at home. On Mother's Day, a few years ago, I was having breakfast at Jim's with my family. Sitting at a table not too far from us was a young mom of three little girls. They were all dressed lovely and eating so nicely together. My husband picked up the tap for her breakfast. She came to us in tears. Her husband had been deployed and she was here in San Antonio alone. There was no one to pat her on the back. No one to observe her daily sacrifices on the behalf of her husband, children and her country. There is a cost for freedom.

Laying in bed one night, I was reflecting on this cost. I was deeply moved over the war. How many days went by with out even acknowledging that our country was even at war? I was overwhelmed and deeply grieved at the thought of the soldiers returning home with war so intimately ingrained in them. Their return home from seeing and experiencing the gruesome, heart breaking victories and defeats. Was it possible to sit down at the dinner table and freely converse? Was it possible for them to sleep in their own beds and not feel like aliens in their own country? How do these soldiers return to work, pay their mortgage and deal with the everyday? I remember begging God for miracles. Not just that God would save physically but that He would restore them spiritually.

For my cousin, high school friend, soldiers now and soldiers then-

They have all paid dearly for a holiday we celebrate only yearly.

Our politians may take a vacation

But tonight I shed tears for our nation.

Mothers who's sons have not returned

Children who's father they yearn.

Heal us Lord. Ignite passion in our land.

We beg you Lord, for without You our Nation will not stand.

Thanks we give You. Let Freedom Ring.

It will be a miracle for a Soldier's return without war's sting.

It is for Freedom, the Soldier's have stood up and fought.

Forgive us of our selfishness when we have thanked their families not.

Let us extend our hand, offer to babysit at least.

Only You can slay this war's beast.

With a sling and stone You've brought giants down.

Keep our enemies far don't let our Nation drown.

We call out to You in our time of need.

Let our leaders run to You at brake neck speed.

Allow us as a country, one household to another

Stand in the gap - strengthen our brothers.

May we stand firm as citizens of the best Nation united.

INDIVISIBLE - Yet EASILY DIVIDED?

Show us how to mark out a strait path.

Let us grow Godly and divert Your wrath.

One Nation under God...the simplicity is true

Our Nation doesn't have a prayer if we don't walk with You.

This Memorial Day, in honor of Soldiers lost

We close our eyes tonight, safely do we sleep at Freedom's cost.

No payment here on earth can say thank you enough

But let us unite as the going gets tough.

Wasted their lives - let this never be

For it was for freedom-for you and for me.

May the Lord be close to the broken hearted and faithful to deliver those crushed in spirit. To the wives here in America holding down the fort - I say thank you. May you have peace that surpasses all understanding, may your burden be miraculously light and may time pass quickly. To the parents of soldiers past and present - I hope I never know the weight each of you carry. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

God Bless America!

Stacy

Grief

2010-05-25T18:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers, please listen to the advise given to me by a special woman who knows more grief than anyone should in this life time.

"There is never any thing your child can do that can't be forgiven. Don't give up on them!"

Lord, words I do not have
Prayers I know not how to pray
Answers to hard questions I don't know what to say
Heaven is a long time to wait
To see the one's we love at Heaven's gate.
In the mean time, until that glorious day comes
Renew. Revive. Reveal. Relieve.
Give this woman strength and courage to face another day
To ask for your guidance along the way
Show her what healing looks like
She longs to encourage others but isn't ready for the mike
Send her chosen people who will walk her to You
Only you know how to see her through
Free her from sorrow, deliver her from strife
You are her God, she is your girl
I know your hand is extended
May she take it and twirl
Dance over her. Sing her a new song.
When compared to eternity, time on earth isn't forever
Reunion won't be long....

Positive Parents Polka

2010-05-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

Positive Parents Polka to the Rythem of Praise

If moma ain't happy ain't nobody happy! We as women are the thermometers in our home. If we are comfortable and inviting than the home is comfortable and inviting. If we are fussy, grumpy and bossy then our children will be the same. If we were are irritable at work we are likely to be irritable at home. If we are angry on the highway then we are likely to be angry at home. The black cloud will not go away on it's own.

This is the day the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. Rejoice and be glad is a decision, an act of your will.

We have to make an exchange in our thoughts – the prescription for the grumpies is praise. We have to make and exchange.

Philippians 4:4-8 Rejoice, in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident in all you do. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, what ever is true, whatever, is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -think about such things.
We have to take our thoughts captive and replace them. We can't allow the dumpster of our mind to fill with negative, destructive thoughts and not expect the stink to fill the nostrils of those we love.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to build a relationship with a sweet physician. She has two older girls and I pick her brain all the time regarding being the mom of two very different girls. As she was reflecting, she told me to use the video camera often because they grow up so quickly. As a side comment, almost to herself, she said,”looking back, I wasn't smiling in any of the videos”.

It is so easy to drown in the drudgery of everyday. There will always be messes, the toilet will always need to be cleaned, laundry will always be your enemy...but your children are only children once.

One of our favorite books is, My Moma Had a Dancing Heart by Libba Moore Gray. Following is a quick preview,

"My moma had a dancing heart and she shared that heart with me. With a grin and a giggle, a hug and a whistle, we'd slap our knees and Mama would say: "Bless the world it feels like a tip-tapping song-singing finger-snapping kind of day. Let's celebrate!" And so we did."

Do you know what happens when a positive parent dances? The people in their lives can't help but to dance too.

Jeremiah 31:12-13 Their life will be like a watered garden and all their sorrows will be gone. The young women will dance for joy and the men -old and young- will join in the celebration.

God has purpose for our polka...
Psalm 145 Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your might acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
One generation will commend your works to another.

It is possible, Masie, will tuck her daughter in one night and say “God taught my moma to dance. She taught me to dance. And now my darling, I will teach you to dance".

You are what you think. You reap what you sow. If you plant an apple seed you will not produce oranges. If you plant bitterness you will reap bitterness. We have to take our negative, poisonous thoughts and replace them with thoughts of things pure, lovely and worthy of praise.

This video is a great example of practicing Philippians 4:8 (dance lessons)

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

Many Blessings as you begin your week - may you fill your mind with things worthy of praise!

I love my God! I love my life! I love my husband! My Masie! My Katie! My Gunner! I love my job! I love the people I get to work with and for! I love my parents! I love their parents! I love my garden! I love my paid for car! I love my dogs! I love my Innocence Preserve! I love my Crossfit crew! I love my church! I love my Monday - my start fresh day! I love my health! I love my laugh! I love my bed head in the mornings! I love my Starbucks! I love my...you get the picture:)

Date Night

2010-05-23T05:29:00.000-07:00

Date Night - a highly coveted, often talked about, rarely scheduled and crucial to any relationship.

Last night, Ryan and I joined several other couples for a fantastic dinner at Fralo's in Leon Springs. We ordered the Pesto Chicken for an appetizer - we loved it! We ordered the Mediterranean Pizza (you can get the crust gluten free but we forgot to ask for that:). Since we were feeling a little spunky we ordered our pizza it with anchovies. I loved it but Ryan thought them to be too salty. The atmosphere was casual, the weather wasn't too hot, the music was current and not too loud. The overall feel of the place was "hip"...you felt cool no matter your age. The oak trees provided breeze and shade. We were a rowdy bunch and had the freedom to be.

Laughter is a powerful gift. Often, I find myself too serious, too deep and missing out on opportunities to laugh. Well, last night, I laughed until my abs were sore. I think I was just finally relaxed enough from a stressful week to let go a little. It helps that the crew we were with last night exude happiness in their own lives and each have such solid marriages.

Ryan and I have been really growing in the area of communication. I don't know about you but this is a really tricky area to master. I am so a talker and he is so a processor. This week, Ryan was intentional to sit on the couch with me and allow me to go through the details of my day, voice my frustrations and road blocks that are in the way of my personal goals. He allowed me the opportunity to be real, vulnerable and completely a woman. I can't tell you how much lighter and loved I felt after just a few minutes of having his undivided attention. God totally knew what He was doing hand picking this man for me. I do need a listener and a fixer. Ryan can make decisions easily because he sees things so black and white. I on the other hand have way too many emotions to process through before I can remotely see light at the end of the tunnel. So, when I need a short cut, I always go to him. He gets to the point and has a way of bringing me along in a gentle way.

It is so on our radar to make "date night" a regular part of our week. We do have 3 small children and just getting away is never easy. We want our marriage to continue to grow, flourish, thrive. We can't count on the blast we had together on our date last night to sustain us for the long haul. We have to keep adding wood to the fire to keep the flames of our relationship burning. We will make "couch time" precious, sunrise coffee on the front porch regular and wine by the creek often.

Date Night is an idea that is lovely and true

With out it, we find our self burned out and blue.

Show us how to find time to play

Flirt and be crazy in love with each passing day.

In our old age, with decades in the past

Date Night will surely make our love last.

Teach me to plan, to pursue this godly man

To laugh out loud and have him catch me if he can.

I am his beloved and he is my dude

May I speak gently, not so often and never rude.

Teach us to love, to dance each dance

To sit the next season out - not a chance.

Fan the flames, get the fire hot

For no other, we are not.

Share with me your favorite spots around town.

Stacy

Feathers From My Nest

2010-05-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, at a local bookstore, I found myself curled up in a corner with tears streaming down my face. I stumbled upon the book, Feather's From My Nest, by Beth Moore. At the time, Masie Kate (pictured) was three and my only child.

This book was Beth's (like I know her:) way of documenting the childhood of her daughters, feathers each of them left behind as they flew from one season to the next. This was one of the first books God used to paint a picture of how quickly time would pass and how fleeting childhood would be for this precious girl.

Now, Masie is 7 and the big sister of Katelyn and Gunner. I just wonder what feathers I will collect from their childhood when childhood has come and gone. I choose to post this picture of Masie in her "Magic Skates" because in this season they are the love of her life (plus I crack up everytime I look at it:). We call them "Magic Skates" due to the fact that when Masie slips her dirty country feet into them she becomes the ultimate servant. She unloads the dishwasher quicker, is eager to assit in cooking and setting the table. We have wood floors downstairs and she zips, zags and figure-eights in a noisy enthusiastic childish parade. However, noisy and sometimes annoying these skates are, how long will they be called her beloved? She no longer needs my hand to hold skating from one object to the next. She no longer falls every few feet. I am just curious how much longer before I pack these skates away because her childhood love has been replaced with adolescent interests. Until then, skate on Masie. One day my prayer is that she reflects fondly of the days when her mother allowed her Magic Skates to participate in the day to day.

Feathers from my nest

Which moments will I treasure the best?

Masie is almost eight

No longer needing my hand to roller skate

Help me Lord to be patient and kind

Enduring the ruckus, help me not to mind.

Show me how to collect and keep

The feathers of her childhood nice and neat.

Memories are made with each passing day

Help me to love more deeply and not be too busy to play.

Feathers from my nest

I choose to treasure this day amongst the rest.

Show me to train, to patiently pursue

This precious child,

Who holds onto me but one day will cling to You.

Blessings!

Stacy

Shining as Stars

2010-05-04T18:32:00.000-07:00

It has been said, "You can not give what you do not have". Tonight I have a few moments to write, I have much in my heart to pass along but I can't. I have not had time with the Lord in a few days. So if it is okay with you, I am going to share what God confirmed and inspired me with tonight.

Earlier this week, I had the privilege of starting my work week in prayer with two of my coworkers. We asked God to encourage and strengthen our staff, continue to fan the flames of passion for the hospice services we provide and represent and that we would SHINE in each of our accounts. When I prayed the word SHINE, I was asking that God would some how use us to bring His light into the "everyday" world of the people we come across. That our attitudes, smiles and love for life would somehow bless the hospitals we walk into, the doctor's offices we stop by and all the people in between.

Proverbs 4:18 The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.

Philippians 2:14-15 Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you SHINE like the stars in the universe...

These two Scriptures I just happened to come across. I just love how God confirmed the word "SHINE". He really does have a plan for us (me and you) to stand out, to draw attention to Him by our attitudes and actions.

So it is my prayer for tomorrow as I will be out in the field with work and as I begin my day with my children that I would stand out, choose a happy heart and pass along the deep joy I have in the Lord. May you also be encouraged to SHINE for Him where ever He takes you.

S - Spend time with Him
H - Help others do the same
I - I WILL rejoice and be glad in Him (it is a choice)
N- Notice the faces of people and speak a blessing
E- Engage in the interests of others

Blessings!

2010-05-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

To all the mom's who attended the "Positive Parenting" talk today I want to tell you that I am praying for you! It was not by chance that our path crossed this morning. God has called You out in the most loving, non-condemning way. He wants to free you from guilt, shame and bring great sources of encouragement to your lives.

Lord,

As these precious moms tuck their children in tonight and for the mother who wants to but can't, I ask that You would bless them with hope for tomorrow. I praise You that You are a God of second chances - You are so free and willing for us to have a "do over". Father, I ask that as these women lay their heads on their pillows tonight, they would rest well knowing that You came along side them today. Stir hope into their hearts. When they rise and greet their families in the morning, may You put a new song in their hearts. I ask Father, that You would allow the seeds of truth that were planted today take root. I ask that the cares of their world would not snatch the hope that You loving sowed into our lives today. Though, I didn't get to hug or meet each woman in that room today, I treasure that they are intimately known by You. Continue to light their step as they attempt to reach the hearts of their children.

Blessings to each of you!

Stacy

Pedicures and Pep Talks

2010-04-13T19:20:00.001-07:00

Today started off great. I was able to rise early and start my day with seeking God. After yesterday's post I felt a little weary maybe even unsure. However, I am more settled than ever that when God gives us something to say that will edify Himself and others (even if you have to swallow your pride) you better say it. Check out Sally Clarkson's post today, "Your Message Defines You". God continues to use the WHOLEHEART Ministry to equip me to minister to others.

Well if it is possible to linger too long over your Bible and a pot of coffee I succeeded. Before I knew it I was late getting the kids up for school, forgot to pack lunches, couldn't find Masie's school shoes (which are part of her uniform), made boiled eggs for breakfast that they had to eat on the way and stunk up my car, spilled grape juice and coffee on my white pants after I was far from home, had to ask forgiveness a thousand times between 7:30 and 9:00! I had to stop mid-morning and buy a new pair shoes...the heels had worn off my favorite shoes and every time I took a step I "clinked" down long hospital hallways...bought another pair of pants while I was at it so I wasn't covered in evidence that I'd had better mornings. My afternoon wasn't much better but I will spare you my tears....

After picking the girls up from a sweet friend, Masie wanted it to be girls night and have pancakes, pedicures and pajama night. Do you think I felt like having a girls night or was I fantasizing my children fast asleep ASAP so I could finally chill???

May 1st I was invite to give a talk at a Mug and Muffin at Community Bible Church. When I asked what they wanted me to talk about she said, "Positive Parenting". I almost choked! Do you not know that the grandparents of my children have removed every wooden spoon in my home:) As I hesitated, God whispered, "positive parenting not perfect parenting". Shortly after saying yes, I was in the garden and God gave me a few "positive parenting points that all start with "P". Tonight as I was about to unleash the not so positive-everybody get in bed now-parenting, I realized what Masie requested all started with the letter "p". Sounds silly but I felt the calming of God's presence.

So, I lite candles for my 7 and my 3 yr old, put on Joel Clarkson's Piano CD, and filled my jacuzzi tub to the top! You would have thought it was Christmas. I let Masie carry out her idea of pajamas and pedicures...she laid out my pj's, went through the trouble of setting the pedicure station with a nice towel and all my pedicure stuff (that is usually off limits) and used a very grown up voice to announce, "Mrs. Buck, welcome to Masie's Magic Salon". She gave Katelyn the job of rubbing lotion on my hands and feet while Masie trimmed my fingernails and scrubbed my heels (she said they really need it:). In the middle of their excitement to serve me, I was overwhelmed how God was using these little girls to calm my weary soul. I honestly was having a hard time shaking something I was fretting about in my mind and Masie said, "Mom, if there is anything you want to share with me I will listen." Wow! I shared a bite size piece of my issue and she gave profound advise.

When you give you get. I thought I was ''SACRIFICING" my CHILL time to do something for the girls when the reality is, they went out of their way to serve me. I know for sure that you can never be too young to be used by God!

When I tucked the girls in (at 9:00), they were yelling from their beds - you are the best mom ever, I love you, this was the best night of my life.

Instead of getting on the computer, I opened my Bible. I prayed- hit me with Your best shot - I am looking for You. I opened to the following Scripture: Psalm 141:8-10 For my eyes are toward You, O God, the Lord; In You I take refuge; do not leave me DEFENSELESS. Keep me from the jaws of the trap which they have set for me, and from the snares of those who do iniquity. Let the wicked fall into their own nets, WHILE I PASS BY SAFELY.

Pedicures and a Pep-talk
I love that you prompted me not to balk
Bless the hands that rubbed my feet
I tucked her tightly under the sheet
Bless the little girl who took such delight
In turning my mood from heavy to light
Bless You Lord for the "pep-talk"
You encouraged me to keep my eyes on You,
You promised that You would defend me and see me through
You assured me that plans against me would fall against them
And safely I will pass as I cling to Your hem.

How blessed I am to be "positively parented by THE perfect parent".

Disclaimer

2010-04-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

Before you read the "Wayward Wife" post, let me be clear. I am not a Wayward Wife - yet it is clear to me that I can't take credit for that. I am born a sinner. It is easier for me to be selfish than it is to serve. It is easier for me to get angry than it is for me to calm down and choose peace. Scripture says, An understanding wife is a gift from the Lord - not Oprah, not yo mamma or your girlfriends. It is in God alone that I give credit to my pursuit to live a life pleasing to Him first - all the while my guy gets the benefit.

However, I would be a FOOL and so would you if you thought you could casually walk through this life -unarmed- and not take some hits. As our pastor said this weekend, so many people say, "I don't know how I ended up 50k in debt" or "I don't know how I got to be 75 lbs overweight" or "I don't know how the affair happened". His answer is - YES YOU DO! We have a protective Heavenly Father who is faithful to send warning signs that danger is ahead. That is all the "Wayward Wife" post is in my life. Red flags that danger is ahead... I could stubbornly keep going or STOP-heed the warnings and take another route.

Before I ever posted, Ryan and I sat down and read through it together. He was in full agreement that those warning signs are not just for our marriage but maybe for yours too. So those of you who think I am a saint, without struggle or fault, you are wrong. I crave being right with God. So without a doubt, shame or apology I share my thoughts and deep conviction regarding the Wayward Wife. Knowing that it is by walking with Him that my chances of ending up as one lessen.

In the words of Dr. Suess in "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" the following excerpt expresses my philosophy the best.

"You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care. About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there." With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street."

My 7 yr old daughter after reading that page says, "That reminds me of Jesus. Some streets in my life are His and some streets belong to Satan. I have the Holy Spirit and He gets to help me choose the streets that belong to Jesus".

Join me in being fiercely protective of your marriage. Put together a game plan as to how you are going to this. Wake up! Choose this day to acknowledge that NO ONE is going to fight for your marriage but you.

Wayward Wife...

2010-04-11T12:58:00.000-07:00

As I sit to write

I beg You for more insight

Days of pondering -

Has lead to weeks of wondering

Are the Ways of the Wayward Wife

Able to disrupt and ruin my God fulfilling life?

Desperate I come, at break neck pace I run.

Requesting wisdom to be not

Wayward but Wise...You are my only shot.

Use me Lord, to bring this topic to light

To all who read bless them Lord with a path of life

May they delight in being a FAR from wayward wife

Hold on readers, the following is going to be a little painful but true

His eye is on His sparrow - His love for us will walk us through

************************************************************

Proverbs 2:16 Wisdom will save you from the adulteress, from the WAYWARD WIFE with her seductive WORDS, who has left the partner of her YOUTH, and ignored the covenant she made before God.

Wayward- Given to or marked by willful, often perverse deviation from what is desired, expected, or required in order to gratify one's own impulses or inclinations

With fear and trembling I read this verse in my quiet time several weeks ago. I have yet to meet a bride on their wedding day, who envisions herself as the soon to be "wayward wife" - given to willful, often perverse deviation from what is desired or expected.

For the last seven years, I have been happily protected within the four walls of my castle raising our little family and wholeheartedly serving my prince. My primary role in our family was manager of our time with my husband Ryan. With his crazy schedule, I chose to drop it all when "daddy" was home. I did not answer the phone, play dates were scheduled on other days and the housework waited. I remember during this time, my husband was in school. I was proud to get up before him, fix breakfast tacos to take on the road and fix a "man"wich for his lunch. One wife told me, I am so sick of hearing about the huge sandwiches you fix for your dude; It brought me great pleasure to serve this man, to make him feel loved publicly without being physically at his side, for him to know that he was the center of our kingdom and his returning to the castle was the highlight of all our lives.

Last Summer, Ryan was sharing with me some of his career goals and his hopes for our family. In the short term, Ryan was going to take a paycut and not work so much in his VERY stressful, under-appreciated current position. I told him I was willing to help financially and support him in any way I could. On my way to an interview with my old boss, I was terrified. It was crossing my mind that I am selling out on my family. I begged God to show me that this was right for us. The Lord whispered to me that He was at work in our lives. I can trust Him. In this season, "helper" to Ryan just looks different. I asked Him to blow the door open or slam it shut! When I asked if they were open to having me part time as a Hospice Community Liaison, they completely embraced the idea. When they shared the salary and commission structure with me it was way above and beyond what Ryan and I discussed. So life as a working mother and wife began in September.

In the fortified walls of my castle, immersed in children's stories, teaching my children the yes maam's and no maam's of life and wiping the precious tears of my babies - I was blissfully blind that there was a world out there that wanted my family. A world that was envious and bent on taking from us what 13 years of dedication and devotion built. I will try to explain...

In the last 8 months, I have had to look and look again at the woman who looks me in the mirror every morning. I am in a field that I believe in and have lots of opportunities to share my faith with others. I get to use my love for communication daily. I get to wear lipstick and high heels - what more could a woman ask for?? Looking back, lipstick and high heels have been the beginning of a dangerous journey. Girlfriends - don't get mad at me-I am not saying to not wear lipstick and high heels! It is just that for the first time in a long time, I started spending a lot more time planning what I am going to wear (new suits, new shoes, new haircut, new color, new accessories). I remember returning from my interview and calling my mom with great excitement....what am I going to wear???? This really irritated Ryan. He could not express it in words but he expressed it in silence. He did not complement, he did not ask - he just sighed. Not that appearance did not matter as a stay at home mom but their wasn't a stage to walk on every morning and a multitude to be seen by. Am I really saying this?? So the dress rehearsal and time in the mirror continued.

Another thing that I have discovered about myself is that I, like dynamite, do not burn half way. I am all or nothing and always have been. A sleeping dragon of drive woke within me. The desire to be recognized by hard work and be rewarded because of it began to overstep it's part-time limitations. Again, Ryan did not compliment this, he did not ask-the quieter he got, the louder his disapproval became. Yet, I continued to say yes world, you can count on me. School Valentines parties can wait, the dinner table can have one less chair filled cause I have one more account to make.

Proverbs 14:12 There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.

The most humbling experience of my life thus far, is that I can not be in the world and not of it apart from God. My love language is words of encouragement. As food nourishes our bodies, as water dismisses the wilting of a plant - a positive word spoken into my life fuels my soul. I love the comment section of my blog- I can't tell you how many times I have come to my blog with the intention to write but spend my time rereading the comments left by many of you instead. They are not why I write but oh how you have blessed me with your response. I was so bummed last night when I happened to see a new comment on an old post and it was in another language! God has such a sense of humor. I have a feeling, the Lord is cleaning this house of mine and knows praise of any kind in this season will only fuel the dragon of my pride. In 13 years of marriage, the only praise from a man regarding appearance has been my husband. He is a man of few words - so with every compliment he has paid me I have treasured them. They are in no way cheap words of appeasement. It's funny, the times I least suspect a praise (in the garden, dirt under my fingernails, no makeup, grungy work clothes) are the moments that have taken his breath away. I believe that God and my husband are not the only ones who know how to fill this love tank of mine. As I checked into why a few comments were unreadable with symbols or foreign text - they were really spam (sites that led to horrific places). Point proven-when God is at work expect an enemy to be alive and active as well.

You and I have an enemy who is not powerful but strategic in his plan to destroy us and all we love. The Bible refers to him as a roaring lion - why are we surprised at his appetite? It is not enough for him to nibble on our big toe-he is not satisfied until he has devoured through division all we care about. In the last 8 months he has used the praises of men to throw up on me and feed me at the same time. Risky conversations, compromising situations and ungodly chatter threaten my very existence. It is no wonder at reading this particular verse that I sat in fear of the Lord and have not moved since then...

Prov. 2:16 Wisdom will save you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.

"Wisdom will save you"... Because God is the parent He is, He has counseled me with wisdom - Given me a way out of a wayward route!

The Way of Wisdom: salvation from the adulteress or from becoming one:

1. Start with the mirror. I will choose to wear modest, professional clothing. Attire that honors God and pleases my husband. Ask myself, "Would this cause guy or girl to look at me in a less than sisterly way?"

2. Be all or nothing for the Kingdom of God not the reputation and promotion of Stacy! Pride is dangerous. The more you feed it the more you need it. My company hired me part-time. They embraced my family and the significant irreplaceable role I play in the life of my home. Even as an employee, there is no reason why I can not make the king of the castle top priority in my life. It worked for 13 years in building an amazing marriage - if it ain't broke don't fix it! There is something to breathing life in your home with your presence. This will go a long way in building trust with my husband that my heart is not divided between work and home...because I love my husband home, I work (a small number of hrs a week-nothing more).

3. "the wayward wife with her seductive WORDS"...a wise woman is known by her gentle and godly speech. I will limit my personal conversations with men other than my husband. EVERY woman I have counseled in the last ten years that has ended up on the wayward side started with an "innocent" conversation that led to intimate friendship, that led to devastated places. This my friend is why in our household we are not on "facebook" and other networking sites. We share our email address and have a joint checking account. Open policy is our policy. There are some forgiven doors in my life that are not meant to be opened - EVER. Sure I don't have to accept someone as a "friend" - I can deny access to these networking sites - but will I? Curiosity is a cute crippling little thing that I choose to not contend with. I "bet the farm" that God can increase my "networking" with out uninvited guests in my home. Again, I will use my words to encourage one another, lift the downhearted and breathe life into the people God brings my way.

4. Wayward Path is usually not walked alone. I will continue to not have professional lunches or meetings that require me to be in "private" alone settings. If I have an appointment with a man it will be in the presence of many. I have seen God give me lots of opportunities to live out this standard. On the other hand, unfortunately, there have been a few situations that have caught me off guard. If the military knew where every IED roadside bomb was hidden, there would not be soldiers' lives gone or limbs missing. If they had an area where they suspected these destructive devices they would not choose to go that road without a plan or go down it at all. There are a few "known" danger zones that have "shady" characters that I will "bet the farm" that I do not have to visit in order to succeed in my job. Thank you to my professional mentors, jr and kb, who coach me through these zones and are helping me find balance with work and family and to my spiritual mentors (ll, super d, gm) that love me enough to speak the truth, allow me to be honest in a safe setting and constantly direct me to the loving arms of Jesus. Proverbs "Victory is won in the presence of many counselors".

5. "who has left the husband of her youth..." those are the saddest words I have ever read! Ryan IS the husband of my youth literally. I met him this month 14 yrs ago as a senior in high school. I will never forget the first day I met him. I walked into a youth group (waiting for lightening to strike) and was introduced to a total STUD - bleached hair, earrings, buff, cool and a Christian. If that is what Christians look like than I will come back next week. Weeks turned into months and one night my life changed forever. I was invited to the youth pastor's home with a few others and in walks Ryan. I tried to play off the fact that my face turned bright red, my heart was pounding. At the end of the night trying to be cool - I was asked, "if tonight were my last night here on earth do I know where I would spend eternity?" I remember thinking (maybe even saying) if they knew half the things I had done there is no way they would have let me in the house much less sit next to me! If God knows everything then what would He want with a chic like me??? That night I was sold on Christianity because of a verse, "If any man was in Christ he is a NEW creation - the old is gone and the new has come 2 Cor 5:17". My "coolness" cover was blown. I was desperate to be forgiven -to be given a new start. With Ryan at my side, God picked me up and set me apart that night. He used Ryan to live out this scripture - not once in 14 yrs has he asked about my past. He believes in miracles and on that spring precious evening, God created a new heart in a young girl. Ryan mentored me. He had a list of characteristics he wanted in a wife in his wallet. Every once in a while during high school and college he pulled that list out and prayed for her. Amazing that before he knew my name he prayed me through the darkest years of my life. He believed in me from the very beginning that God had a plan for my life that we would be used in a MIGHTY way for the Kingdom of God. I had just turned 19 when I said "I do" to this man. He gave the following scripture to me shortly after we were married, "Do not say, I am a youth, because everywhere I send you , you shall go, and all that I command you, you shall speak Jeremiah 1:7" At 32, I still hold tightly to that verse. I am incredibly attracted to this God seeking, hard working, melt over his children man. I do not crave his words but linger on them. He is the husband of my youth and will be the husband of my old age. I cannot fathom life with out him - but the enemy is always on the prowl.

It is not just enough to have the "intention" of remaining faithful to your spouse and your children. You have to decide -day by day, temptation by temptation to love someone other than "Self."

Our pastor confirmed everything the Lord was doing in my life with the following:

Proverbs 3:5-7

TRUST (give the benefit of the doubt) in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways (wayward or not) acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and TURN (RUN) away from evil.

The choices you make today lead to paths that always have predictable endings.

May the Lord use my heading the "danger ahead warnings" for a divine destiny of intervention in the lives of many.

SOLD OUT for Him -

Stacy

From the Racetrack to the Scenic Route

2010-03-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

In April it will have been a whole year since I last posted! Time seems to have rolled past me the way an ocean wave hits the shore - there one second and gone the next. Honestly, I will not try to catch you up on what has been going on in my life I will just fill you in on the current. I must warn you - I haven't written in so long that the sound of the keys of my computer tapping are blessing me so and the ideas that are running through my head are many so no telling how long this entry will go:)

For the last three years, I have been attending the Wholeheart Conference in Dallas for moms. The everyday life of a mother can sometimes be like that of a racecar track -wake the kids, feed the kids, groom the kids, school the kids, feed the kids, clean the kids, play with the kids, feed the kids, bedtime with the kids then repeat. Each year I roll into the conference weary and roll out ready. I just love that the Lord will cause a mandatory detour of racetrack parenting to scenic parenting. The Lord was faithful to use the Clarkson family to encourage the off road experience of making lasting memories, fullfilling moments and tiny details count in the precious lives of my children. How often have I seen them as speed bumps-little people slowing me down or getting in the way of the seemingly import tasks at hand.

The Lord was faithful to parent me this weekend. I know he took my hand and took me the scenic route -reminding me that He is at the wheel. He showed me from His word (psalm 145) what His parenting looks like and that I am to model that. As a parent to Stacy Buck, He is merciful and compassionate, slooow to get angry, and filled with unfailing love towards me. As a parent to Stacy, He is good to each of His children - none is greater than the other. As a parent to Stacy, He always keeps his promises; He is gracious in all He does. As a parent, He helps the fallen and lifts those bent beneath their loads. My Father received me this weekend bent beneath the load of giving all I have in too many directions. He was faithful to lift it (my discouragement as a mom) off my shoulders and show me a different route to parenting successfuly in His shadow.

On the first night, Sally Clarkson, shared a wonderful message about rest. One of the most precious scriptures she shared with us from the whole weekend was, "Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me. Psalm 131:2" The Lord calmed me down, showed me How much He loves me and that I am still the parent He handpicked for precious Masie, Katelyn and Gunner.

When the conference was offically over, some girls and I had coffee in our hotel room and the Lord met us there. Following is a scripture that He gave us and I see it as the road map to success this year as a wife, mother, daughter, employee...Hebrews 12:12 So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

Marking out a straight path for my feet begins with spending time at Jesus' feet. A straight path for my parenting isn't going to come from the next parenting book but reflecting and looking at the way Jesus has parented me. Not once has He demanded with a very ugly face in a scary voice for me to COME HERE CAUSE I SAID SO! A straight path for me as a wife is to plan time - to make a decision early in my day-to make time for my husband. A straight path for me as an employee is give it all I got while they have me but when the day is done-I am done. There has never in my 13years of married life been so much competetion for my family.

My precious little nest, filled with tiny little beaks

Won't always be noisy but oneday quiet and meek.

These little chicks won't always demand from the hen

cause one day they will fly not wanting back in.

Until the day comes when their wings take flight

I will no longer drive the racetrack but gently tuck them in at night.

No longer will the daily grind be so dingy and glum

I will sing and dance, draw and play - blow the biggest bubble w a package of gum!

My precious little flock - covered with the softest of down,

The thought of you removes any frown.

You are my darlings, and I am your hen

When you come - I will always let you in.

Your feathers are growing - the colors of your personalities are showing

No longer will my day go round and round

Praise God for the scenic loop I've found.

Stacy

p.s. I returned home from my weekend away a night early based on a gut feeling of needing my nest. When I got home 2 of my 3 chicks were sick. One with fever 104.7 and mild pnemonia. I spent last night going between rooms praying and loving on these children. Guess what comforted them the most - nuzzeling as close to me like a weaned child.

Miracle-Gro for the Soul

2009-04-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

I would like to invite you to NWH United Methodist Church on Saturday May 9th at 1:30. I will be giving a talk to Mothers and Daughters (the age of the daughters is up to the mother's discrestion) called, Miracle-Gro for the Soul. Many of you may have heard me give this talk 6 years ago at the BRCC Ladies Retreat. When I said yes to this engagement, I thought, "piece of cake, I've got that talk on my computer." Several weeks later my computer crashed...

In my window sill right now are two bouquets of roses that were cut from the yard this week. I have maybe two more days to enjoy them before their stems get fuzzy and their petals darken and drop. No blossom lasts forever. However, that doesn't mean the plant they were cut from will not. While pruning our bed of Knockout roses I was reminded of why a gardener prunes. A gardener doesn't "cut back" to hurt the plant or because he is tired of looking at it's blooms. It is the opposite: the Gardener enjoys the blooms so much that He prunes the older blooms to make room for more new ones.

So often I have experienced God and significant growth takes place. My spiritual roots grow deeper and my life bears the blossoms of this growth. However, I have wondered why these blossoms don't last long. The petals of my good intentions fall to the ground. God whispered to me in the rose bed this week, "Those blossoms in your life were not meant to be lovingly looked at forever, I trim them back to make room for more. I dwell in the new growth." I believe my computer crashed for a reason. God doesn't want me to deliver a bouquet of roses from 6 years ago with slimy, fuzzy stems. The MASTER GARDENER has been at work and there are fresh flowers to be picked -species that I had not known before. Their aroma will strengthen the weak, draw close the weary and deepen the roots between mothers and daughters...including my own.

Miracle-Gro for the Soul

only you, God can make these hearts whole

Master Gardener walk with me

Fill me up, give me Your eyes to see

Bring the moms and their daughters, too

Show us what it means to walk with You.

The road is narrow, the passerby is few

Fill our lives with the fragrance and the freshness of dancing for You.

Prune us Lord - I know you must

For the buds of new growth are about to bust

Stir up the hearts, remove the stones

so Your princesses can receive their thrones

The mother/daughter tea is open to the public and free of charge. Hope to see you May 9th - God has fresh flowers being delivered with your name on them:)

PRAYER

2009-03-27T05:02:00.000-07:00

The other night Masie was holding Gunner and I suggested she pray for him. Her prayer went like this, "Dear God, I pray that Gunner would learn to burp the ABC's and that You would teach him to blow smoke rings like daddy. In Jesus name AMEN!" Now Masie didn't follow a formula or hold back who she was just because she was talking with God. She prayed what was on her heart - even though it was burps and smoke rings. I think this prayer was precious to God - I can just picture the sound of His laugh filling up heaven! No wonder Jesus said, "Let the children come to Me".

My children experienced a God moment this week about prayer and faith. We adopted a new dog named Ruby. We had her for about 20minutes before she ran off. We spent four hours calling and searching for her. Remember we live on 13 acres but are surrounded by hundreds of undeveloped acres. We knew if we were going to find her we needed to do it before dark. Coyotes, hogs and mt. lions are all very real threats...not to mention she has no idea of where she lives now. As Katelyn and I searched she kept repeating -peeese God! Oh peeese God! Masie also prayed for God to bring Ruby home. Masie was especially disappointed when we didn't find Ruby. She said, "But I prayed". Have you ever said that? Two days went by without any sitings of Ruby. Hope was just about lost when I heard a noise on our back deck. There was Ruby bounding with energy and skinny as rail. Her tail was wagging as if to say, "I'm home, I'm finally home!" If we would have found her the first day it would have been possible to see God's hand. However, for her to find us was God's hand and both my girls recognized it. They shouted and sang praises to God for He answered their prayers. Waiting is sometimes part of God's plan- a hard thing to learn.

In my front yard yesterday, my niece Hannah, told me about a prayer she prays. When Hannah goes to bed at night she sleeps on top of her covers (so she won't have to make her bed in the morning:). She covers with a small blanket. When asked if she gets cold she simply replied, "No, I just ask Jesus to snuggle with me...and He does!".

Following is a scripture that I came across yesterday and know that I am to share it with you.

Psalm 116:1-2,5-6 I love the LORD because he hears and answers my prayers (even if I have to wait). Because he BENDS DOWN AND LISTENS, I will pray as long as I have breath! How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects those of CHILDLIKE faith.

Burps and smoke rings or serious things

God can take whatever you are willing to bring.

He can find that which is lost

Waiting can be a priceless cost

Ask Him to "snuggle"

He will draw you close

His embrace will comfort you most.

Talk to Him

For He bends down from heaven and gives you his ear.

Come as you are, He is waiting for you

His unfailing love will see you through.

When you cry out, when you lay your burden down

You begin to focus on Him loosing your frown.

Mommy Loves...

2009-03-26T13:27:00.000-07:00

In case you ever wonder,

If you ever want to know,

Following are mommy's loves

May you take them where you go.

MOMMY LOVES...

the smell of homemade bread (even if it didn't rise)

MOMMY LOVES...

the color blue that God painted your eyes

MOMMY LOVES...

the National Anthem sung at a High School Football Game

MOMMY LOVES...

the God who knows my son's name

MOMMY LOVES...

to hunt for SPRING, to search for SPRING'S first flower

MOMMY LOVES...

to hear a child singing in the shower

MOMMY LOVES...

the feel of fresh sheets on the bed

MOMMY LOVES...

to rub her lips across an infants' head

MOMMY LOVES...

a wildflower bouquet given by a child

MOMMY LOVES...

our family we aren't afraid to be a little wild

MOMMY LOVES...

your daddy who is gentle yet so strong

MOMMY LOVES...

to dance with children when she hears a silly song

MOMMY LOVES...

the way you smile with your whole body

MOMMY LOVES...

the sound of the voice that you are discovering

MOMMY LOVES...

that you are my boy

That alone has brought MOMMY much joy!

Baby Blues

2009-01-25T08:54:00.000-08:00

Wow! Gunner is a month old now and time has flown by. He has the best "Baby Blue" eyes I've ever seen. Week number 3 was a roller coaster of emotions. I don't know how many of you moms have experienced "Baby Blues" but I have found out I'm not the only one. God bless my husband, children, extended family and close friends who endured the week of being REALLY grumpy. Okay grumpy is too nice a word - volcanic is a better discription. Moments away from spewing hot and harmful words on anyone in my path - crying rivers of tears over nothing. Several months ago God promptedme to meet with a seasoned mother of two (who are now grown). I never made a date with her until last week. I saw her at church and knew it was time. I met at Starbucks and cried my eyes out. She listened, offered great advise and was real about her own experiences of motherhood. The best part of the whole meeting was when her married daughter happened to walk in for her morning "fix" and painted a picture of hope for me. Our kids grow up (I don't mean this sarcastic;) - our labor for them is not in vein. Here was this beautiful young bride and fantastic grown daughter who serves the Lord and I am confident calls her mother "Blessed". She is who she is because of the incridible mother she has. Even though I did not order any coffee my cup overflowed with hope that I am not a crazy or bad mother but just a tired one. This friend's assignment for me was to get outside and enjoy the sites, sounds and sunshine. This was just one my meetings of the morning that had God's fingerprints all over it.

Next was my visit with Dr. Feinstein (she's the best). She walked in and said, "Oh my, this is the first time I've seen you that you aren't bouncing off the wall with energy". With that the tears began to flow. She spent over 30 min with me brainstorming a way out of the dark fog I was in. She basically spent her lunch hour with me listening and making me laugh. It's a priviledge to call her a friend. She said if "medication" isn't for you then you have to exercise. Exercise produces endorphins (God's happy pill) which I am in desperate need of.

When I got home from my morning of divine appointments, my husband and mother-in-law had cleaned the house and completed ALL the laundry. There is a GOD!

Another way God showed off was when Dr. Feinstein referred me to one of her friends who owns Caden Lane . She needed an infant boy model for her catalog, website and brochures. So Gunner and I got to spend the next morning OUTSIDE in Boerne with many other mommy and baby models getting photos taken. Katy took the photos I posted on this blog and was a big part of God's prescription of kicking the "Baby Blues" so I could enjoy my boy in blue! Katy the owner and designer of Caden Lane, was very down-to-earth but her stuff is out of this world adorable!

Well I've exercised 3 times this week and just got finished having a "trampoline date" with Katelyn. So does sunshine and exercise really work - you bet!

So to wrap all this up and to tie you in

God is not just our saviour He is our Friend.

He met me when I felt far away,

When my feet wanted to run and

My smile wouldn't stay.

Have you ever felt the same?

No need to worry - No need for shame.

God has a prescription that is not hard to swallow

He's got a plan you just need to follow.

Put on your sneakers, go for a walk

It sounds so easy but easy to balk.

God was faithful to send friends my way

They listened, encouraged and took my kids for the day.

I'm feeling better now I can hear God say:

"I've got your "blues" now embrace mine,

He's 4 weeks old and is going to be fine."

Thanks again for all the love this last month even when I wasn't all smiles.

Gunner Tory Buck

2009-01-10T18:52:00.000-08:00

Let me introduce you to my son, Gunner. He was born December 22, weighed 7.5 and was 20 inches. He has the softest hair, huge hands and is the best sleeper! He is loved by all of us and kissed all the time! His sisters are very gentle with him.

Gunner is almost 3 wks old and time has gone by so quickly. At his one week apt., he had gained an extra 5 oz. The only time he cries is when he gets his diaper changed or a bath. However, tonight was the first time he didn't cry during his bath. I am sure it was because his sister helped and talked baby talk to him the whole time. At the moment his eyes are crystal blue - we are not holding our breath that they will stay that way. My brown eyes are a powerful gene. There is nothing girly about our guy!

2009 has begun with huge changes in our family. We are complete - Masie, Katelyn, Gunner, Ryan and me! A family of five. We praise God for our children, their health and our marriage. I feel great and forget that I was pregnant just a few weeks ago and need to slow down. My health and energy are great gifts from God.

We are in LOVE!

Twas The Night Before Gunner Came

2009-01-02T18:36:00.000-08:00

'Twas the night before Gunner came

I walked through my house.

The rooms have been tidied and

Snot marks removed from the couch.

The laundry's been done, the sheets have been changed

The car has been cleaned, all bags have been packed

I even have a stash for a midnight hospital snack.

'Twas the night before Gunner came,

I walked through my house

Knowing that tomorrow few things will be the same.

My Masie Kate will be the big boss (I mean sister) of two.

Precious baby Katelyn, I wonder how she will do?

Tomorrow will bring this chapter to a close.

The beginning of a new season will be here with dawn.

As I lay down to sleep the memory of this chapter in my heart they will keep.

'Twas the night before Gunner came,

I really don't know him except for his name.

His eyes, the color of his hair - if he has dimples

Will his skin be olive or fair?

Down to the details of his tiny toes are still a mystery to me...

But are details my God knows.

These secrets are kept and written by God's hand

In the book of Gunner's life which is about to begin.

'Twas the night before Gunner came

I lay all I love at God's feet.

A simple yet precious offering my god will receive.

My heart is so full, overflowing yet incomplete.

Tomorrow God will open a door of my heart.

The love for my Gunner will never part.

God doesn't just make room to squeeze a little more love into your life.

He opens our heart - expands it a little.

Before you know it your love tank is just the right size and fit as a fiddle.

'Twas the night before Gunner came...

I know you Lord will be in the room -

Handing him to me.

My children are yours.

On loan for a while -

May all I give to them leave You with a smile.

I am your girl and You are my God.

'Twas the night before Gunner came

I sleep now with your approving nod!

Princess Peace

2008-12-05T05:06:00.000-08:00

When Katelyn was about 3months old, I was getting her out of my mom's bathtub and I felt the Lord whisper, "Stacy, this is your peace keeper". That has proven to be the truth. Katelyn can't stand conflict. She is so quick to say, "I sorry" or if something wrong has been done to her she says, "I be alright" or "it okay". She has better manners than most adults I know - mamam (yes mam), peeese and tankyou for thank you. When you lay her down for a nap she will ask, "Will you seep with me?". On occasion I will lay with her. She wraps her hands around my neck and squeezes with great enthusiasm. She takes the palm of her hand and strokes your face from your ear to your chin and whispers under her pacifier, "I wuv you". She cleans up her own messes, says, "i really sorry" if she spills something and has this great ability to make people laugh. Katelyn is great medicine for our souls even if you only take her in small doses.

All Is Well That Ends Well

2008-11-17T19:06:00.000-08:00

"All is well that ends well" is my favorite quote from Ma on Little House on the Prairie. I find myself saying it often because it is the truth. Masie had her MRI today. The apt. was scheduled for 10:00 but as we were leaving they rescheduled it for 1:00. Are you grumpy when you are hungry? Masie had to fast prior to the MRI and at 8:30 she was melting from hunger! So to move that apt. sent me into a panic attack. Mimi (Ryan's mom) came to the rescue. Masie went next door to Mimi's to get some beef broth. When she reached her door tears were streaming down Masie's face. When Mimi told Masie that popsicles were part of a liquid diet tears turned into a huge smile. Mimi sent Masie home with popsicles, beef broth and a new box of play dough. My home was happy again and before long it was time to go. My girls have fantastic grandparents who do heroic acts for their grandchildren on a regular basis. Thank you!

We were greeted by a wonderful nurse named Jenny. Masie bought her sales pitch instantly of being a big girl and trying to have the MRI with out sedation. As we were about to go in, Ryan surprised us (he was at work) and was able to be in the room with Masie as the MRI was taking place. Since I am very pregnant they would not have let me go in there with Masie. If the apt. had been earlier there was no guarantee that Ryan would have been able to come. "All's well that ends well."

We are so proud of Masie for being so brave. She followed directions perfectly, had a great attitude and had NO FEAR of the machine or being enclosed. When they injected dye in through her vein they had to try 3 times. It wasn't until the 3rd time that she shed a tear. She quickly calmed down and finished the rest of the procedure. Her Dad being the brilliant man that he is brought a large bag of sour twizzlers that was the carrot at the end of the race. She earned every bit of that.

While I was waiting outside the room, God continued to minister this verse to me, "Fear not for I am with you always". Even though Ryan was in the room with Masie and I was just footsteps from the door - I hated that Masie was enclosed in that big machine by herself. I would have given anything to lay beside her and hold her hand. As I prayed for Masie the promise of God settled into my heart - God is with my girl always. He can go places I can not and with that comes MUCH peace.

We got word tonight that her MRI is clear and there was nothing abnormal that showed up. The DR. felt that no other testing is necessary and that we are just to observe her for awhile. I have TOTAL peace about that conclusion. In my gut I feel like it is just a weird habit or tic that she will grow out of. Thank you so much for every prayer that was prayed for our family. I do not regret for a second including you in the events of this last week. God delights in the prayers of His people. Every kind word, thought and prayer has been deeeeeply appreciated. AHHHHHH! I feel better knowing that "All's well that ends well".

On a final note, I want to share something pretty amazing. As we were leaving the nurse came to us with a gift. It was an xray of Masie's brain. As I was looking at it with my mother-in-law, she said, "It looks like Jesus on the cross" in the center of her brain. I was instantly reminded of God's promise to me, "Fear not for I am with You always". The picture I posted was my best attempt of giving you real proof of this promise and no I'm not going to sell it on ebay...even though some extra Christmas money would be nice:) Look at the image again...Jesus in the middle of the hard wiring of a 5 year old. There is a God.

God can go places you can not

He is with you in case you forgot

Do not be afraid for He loves you so

He is with you where ever you go.

Embrace His hand - He's got yours tight

You can try as you might to pull yours away

But in His hands you will firmly stay.

Take a deep breath for He is walking with you

He is your help -He will see you through.

Masie Kate is My beloved but she is not my only.

My promise to her is my promise to you,

"Fear not - I AM is with you always".

Better News

2008-11-14T09:36:00.000-08:00

We just got home and wanted to thank everyone for your prayers and encouragement. The Neurologist doesn't think that COMA fits as a diagnosis. She is able to move her eyes with out moving her head. He also doesn't think that it is a "brain" issue either. When Masie closes her eyes the black spots go away - if it were a migraine for example the black images/sparkles would still be present (in her mind). He feels like the MRI is still necessary and wants us to be seen by a Pedi Neuro Opthalmologist as a "tie breaker" so to speak.

So we still do not have any cut and dry answers. I am confident the MRI will be clear. The Neurologist feels that it may be some sort of "tick" that may be exercised under stress or exhaustion. I do not feel AT ALL that there are any life altering issues we are dealing with. Last night however was a different story. Again, thank you for your prayers of peace because I have walked in them all day.

Masie really wanted to bring this Dr. a gift. So last night we created a "Joy" Jar to give to him. I shared with her that he sometimes sees really sick children and may need to find something to have joy about. She collected all her marbles (the toy kind not the head kind:) and put them in a bag to give to him (even though it was tied with a pink ribbon). Each time he felt happy about something he could add a marble to his jar. You should have seen his face when she gave him this gift. I know I was blessed by it and it was obvious he was too.

God will not waste a single prayer that was prayed on Masie's behalf. He has a reason for all of this though we may never know. If I had a Joy jar I would fill it up because we are not facing a life threatening issue - just life changing:) When faced with scary possibilities it has a way of making you embrace more fully what you already have. We are giving out hugs and kisses by the dozen, reading longer and laughing more...counting our blessings for sure.

More on this as I get info but until then there are 6 yr old Birthday Party inviations to make, a baby room to complete and lots in between:)

Please Pray

2008-11-13T04:16:00.001-08:00

Hey friends, family and passers by! My family is in need of prayer. In April/May we began to notice Masie Kate (5) doing some really weird things with her eyes. It's hard to describe in words - it's something you have to see for yourself. During the summer, other family members began to notice the funny "head jerk" and eye movement also. We thought it may have been from all the diving and swimming but decided to take her to a well known Ped. Ophthalmologist in August. After a 3 hour eye exam, she has 20/20 vision and no real explanation of the funny eye movement. We decided to drop all conversations of it and just observe her for a while - maybe it was just a weird habit.

In the last 4 weeks, it has gotten much worse. Sometimes it happens multiple times in a row where I have trouble getting her attention. Ryan and I decided it was time to talk with her about it. Her description has opened many doors of possible explanations. She said she is seeing "black bubbles" and when she jerks her head and moves her eyes she is trying to clear them. She says that if she tilts her head back she sees "sparkles" and has to bend her chin down to get clear vision again. I asked if she was having head aches and she said yes. I asked her why she hasn't told me and she replied, "I don't want to take yucky medicine".

Early Monday morning, I had a "come to Jesus" so to speak. I told God that I was going to CHOOSE to walk in peace and fight off fear but I had one request...an explanation. At 8:00 I called the Opth. and asked for an appointment (which I knew I would have to wait for - he's the busiest in SA). After describing what was going on with our girl, they got me in at 1:45 that day. The DR. gave us his diagnosis (what he thinks is the problem). Its called Congenital Oculomoter Apraxia (COMA). However, he wanted us to see a Ped. Neurologist and have an MRI just to rule out anything else. The only problem with his diagnosis is it doesn't address AT ALL the bubbles and sparkles MK is experiencing. Also, the "head jerking" isn't because she can't move her eyes its because she's trying to clear her vision.

We have an appointment with the Ped. Neurologist tomorrow at 9:15 and a MRI Monday at 9:45. At first we weren't going to be seen until mid December but after an explanation we got our slot in just two days (God is good). Here is where you come in...

Please pray for the following:

1. For Masie to be completely honest in her responses. That she would not feel ANY pressure to say what she thinks we want to hear. This is so important for an authentic evaluation.

2. That I would recall ANY detail in the last few months that is out of character for her and not feel silly about documenting it. In the last two weeks she has complained of her legs aching, her back hurting and has asked to take a nap a few times...yet has continued to play her guts out!

3. That Dr. Gay would be able to determine what is going on. That he would be full of understanding towards me and Masie, would speak in such a way that I could understand and most importantly that he would go with his gut. Two Drs. have told me that they feel certain that the MRI will be clear and that the Neuro report would be negative for anything out of the ordinary. That would be great however, I want to be certain and I am asking for God to pour out discernment and wisdom on Dr. Gay.

4. Finally, please pray that all of this would be resolved quickly. I know God is capable of healing with no further explanation. However, if He chooses not to, I am trusting Him for an explanation so I can have a "sound mind" and not live in the "what ifs" and speculation.

When we get through at the Neurologist I will send out an update - even if things are still up in the air.

With much hope-

Stacy

The Innocence Preserve

2008-10-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

We have all heard of wildlife preserves. A sacred place where nearly extinct animals can be themselves - a natural habitat that is fiercely protected in an attempt to bring back a dying breed. Well, this past year Ryan and I have worked on creating an "Innocence Preserve" in our backyard. Our mission is to create a sacred habitat for our children that is fiercely protected in an attempt to preserve the ever fleeting innocence of childhood. In my own life, childhood slipped mysteriously from my grasp so very early.

We began with a creek. We wanted a place were children and adults would want to be together. Ryan dug and excavated (literally) through all kinds of rocks. He and I mixed our own concrete for the surrounding sidewalk and bottom our our creek. Ryan hunted and collected rocks from our property to build the banks of the creek, rock paths and even found a perfect rock for a bridge. Did I mention we live in the Hill Country with nothing but rocks? Ryan used his eye for art and engineering mind to create a creek that looks like you stumbled upon it. Adults and children can not resist putting their feet in - the sound of the waterfalls call you to come and stay awhile.

We have been so blessed by the creativity and laughter of the children that have buzzed in the creek. The favorite past time of my girls is playing "Little House of the Prairie". They wash their dishes in the creek, they strip to their underwear to wash their clothes in the creek and hang them to dry across the bridge. Through out the summer our freezer was stocked (still is) with Popsicles. We are known to have Popsicle dates at the creek first thing in the morning...truly a perfect Popsicle paradise.

Next came the cabana. Ryan built it from cedar cut from my brother-in-law's property and roofed it with tin given to us by his Uncle (many, many thanks). The cabana is unfinished but one day there will be a smoker, grill, storage cabinets and a huge cedar table that can fit a dozen or more of our friends and family. A grown up recreation area to enjoy the sounds of God. We have great expectation of long conversations that build each other up, great food that gives life to our bodies and fantastic sights that inspire us to love what is lovely. Maybe you will join us:)

Finally, the Shanty as Masie Kate fondly calls it. Ryan built a little house (6ft in the air) for our girls to practice being mommies, wives, sisters, princesses and whatever else their girlhood hearts conjure up. To enter their domain, they can cross a Swiss Family Robinson bridge from our deck or they can climb a windmill and scamper a catwalk that invites you to knock on their door. They have a slide that comes out of the back of their house for grand exits and quick escapes! Baking in their garage sale kitchen is an acorn pie, bubbling over on the stove is soup de jour made with magical broth from the creek and to drink in the tiniest tea cups is rose petal tea. Sounds delightful doesn't it!

The Innocence Preserve really is the most wonderful and powerful place in our lives. When our children are grown, when the cousins return from college and distant friends look back our hope is they will remember fondly of the sites, smells and sounds of their childhood. Maybe we will be part of a lasting memory that brings a smile to their face. Innocence is so easily snatched, so quickly gone earlier and earlier these days. Join with us, make a place, create a space, set your heart to protect the sacred ground of childhood that God has entrusted to you whether through your kids, grandkids, neighbors or students. Let's turn off the T.V. (I know its hard trust me-I battle it every day) and go outside for a while. Be amazed and give God glory for He is in the midst of children.

Blessed are the pure in heart

Lord, teach me how to protect them from the start

Give me nerve

To fight the fight of our Innocence Preserve

Bring me the child you've created to be free

Let the children come is what You've spoken to me.

With each child You send accross our path

May we embrace and nurture the innocent or face Your wrath.

How precious to you are the pure in heart

May we pass on a legacy to those we love

That lives on when we are apart.

This Innocence Preserve we dedicate to YOU

You are our hope to see our prince and princesses through.

Almost Mother of Three

2008-10-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

Lord it's me.
You know,
the woman who is about to be a mother to three.
We've come so far - You and me...
Fighting the fight to overcome insecurity.
Lord, just this week, I've taken a tumble.
My feet are moving so fast they easily stumble.
The mountain of expectations are so high...
The laundry room is scattered with clothes,
Both my girls have a runny nose,
Sticky fingerprints I find through the house,
If you look around I must be a slouch...Did you not see the
snot marks on my couch?
It seems the work is never completely done and surely there isn't time for Your Son.
The pressure is mounting,
No wonder my smiling lips are frowning.
Am I the woman You want me to be?
Are You sure about this almost mother of three?

Ahhhh, what's that Lord? Is it Your voice?
It's hard to hear for all the noise. So many opinions,
so many better than me. Especailly, those mommies who have at LEAST three.

The truth is, Stacy, there is none like you.
Quit your moping, you've got a job to do.
It is not the clean toilet others see that gets you closer to Me.
Surrender those thoughts about expectations and pressure -
My shoulders are big, yours are lesser.
Those little girls, snotty noses and all,
are blessings not curses especially when you fall.
Hold your head up, get your knees dirty,
embrace the woman I've made you, now that you are thirty.
We've come so far, you and ME.
My love for you sometimes you can't see.
Just look around, I AM is in your midst.
Even when you are moody and tift...
You are My beloved, You belong to Me.
There is no one else, there never could be-
For, You are THE Mother I've
hand picked for your bundle of three.

Catching Up

2008-09-14T07:52:00.000-07:00

Since my last blog, an entire summer has come and gone. Today a much needed breeze is blowing and the temperature outside hints that Fall is around the corner. This Summer was full of Summer things...sunscreen, bug spray, swimsuits, loads and loads of pool laundry, a sandy car from a weekend at the beach. Our beach trip in June wasn't what I would call a success. We stayed in an RV with my in-laws, whom I love, and two tired little girls. The first night Masie was crying that she wanted to go home, Katelyn locked us all out of the RV and was a nightmare to get to lay down and go to sleep. We ended up having a good time but returned looking dazed and confused. The next vacation we go on I have a feeling my in-laws will "have other plans:)" Bless them!

In July, I turned 30. Instead of a big bash I asked for a weekend away with Ryan. We went to Canyon Lake and stayed at a great Bed and Breakfast. That same week we had a sonogram telling us who we should be expecting in December. I refused all these months to entertain the idea of a son. We completely embraced with enthusiasm and joy the idea of three little girls. The morning of my sonogram I had a dream that I showed up at my Father-In-Law's work with blue balloons. I quickly dismissed the dream because I was not going to be disappointed when the Dr. told me we were having a girl. Well to our amazement, surprise and joy our little girl is in fact a little boy! Gunner Buck will be here a few days after Christmas.

Later that day, I was pondering the name Gunner. The image that kept coming to mind was of a little boy with blonde hair holding a large shield and dragging a heavy sword...then I discovered the meaning of Gunner is "Bold Warrior". We can't wait to meet him and know that our best dreams for him are nothing compared to the plans God has already laid for our son.

Katelyn, turned two on Friday, September 12th. If you ask her how old she is she will gladly hold up one finger and tell you, "I'm eight". She has her moments of tantrums and wanting things her way but she is quick to say, 'I sorry mama". She and Masie are sharing a room and it blesses me when I find them playing dress up or snuggled in bed together looking at a book. Katelyn is so funny - last night she said she had a booger on her finger then said 'jus joking'. She has added so much to our family - life without her would be dull and lacking in sunshine.

Masie Kate has turned out to be a great big sister and enjoys being the leader of our little flock. She told Katelyn lovingly that she would be spending time with the baby when he gets here so do not be sad. We started Kinder with her Sept 1st and are doing great. She is bright, articulate and creative. We've read great books this summer - the Narnia Series, Nancy Drew, and we just finished listening to Little Women - a 24 hr tape series that held her attention, captivated her imagination and inspired us to love wholesome girlhood and family! We are very proud of her and believe that with time her heart will continue to grow for God blessing all who cross her path.

Re-reading my last blog entry, I am confident that the last few months have been spent in the most meaningful way...the hearts of my family. Much growth has taken place and I look forward to a rich harvest that may be years and years away.

Many of you are wondering how my Father-In-Law is doing. The journey of Cancer has been a catalyst for spiritual growth in each member of our family - especially Ron's. It's amazing what a glimpse of the end of your life will do to the rest of your life. Ron is no longer taking chemo through IV but is taking it in pill form. The side effects have been minimal and his future looks very optimistic for him to be completely cancer free. We will have confirmation in another month or so that all is well. Thank you for your prayers...every one of them were heard!

Even Though

2008-06-30T10:46:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I hired a babysitter to entertain my children so I could have a morning in the garden. My husband, mother-in-law and I had daunting tasks before us. Weeds! Everywhere I looked there were weeds to be pulled. In every row, crowding every plant, as far as the eye could see...weeds. My husband does most of the planting, all of the organic concocting (I can't handle the smells of that stuff) and most of the really hard labor. The weeds are left to me...simple right? This job would be ideal if I had no other responsibilities - no home to clean-then clean again, no children that need attention, no diapers to change, no tears to wipe, no stories to tell, no porch plants to water, no car to clean out (which rarely happens), no phone to answer, no groceries to be bought, no laundry to do...I know you could go on and on too.

So I finally get out to the garden without my almost two year old sitting in my lap, crawling through my arms or standing in an ant pile. I start with one row in mind - if I could just get one row weeded the morning would be a success. However, as I sat in the quiet (enjoying it thoroughly), I began to feel "condemned" by the job I had done the last few months in the garden. I mean pulling weeds was the ONLY job I had out there. Obviously if I had to hire a babysitter, ask for help from my mother-in-law and give my husband the "big brown eyed - please come to my aide look" I failed at my job. I began to feel discouraged even disgusted with the shape of our treasured place.

God didn't let this abuse go on for very long. The Lord began to whisper these two words to me, "Even though..." Those words began to roll through my whole body eventually landing gently in the sacred ground of my heart. "Even though" the weeds were evidence of nothing more than lack of time - not ability or laziness - our garden still produced wonderful fruit and time spent as a family. The roses from mother's day were planted "Even though" none had really bloomed - yet. Our tomato branches are loaded with delicious tomatoes that my girls pick and eat right there "Even Though" weeds surround every bush. I have had fresh sunflower bouquets every week for two months now "Even Though" my daughters have to go through a chigger forest to cut them. My girls have had a blast picking ripe grapes from our arbor "EvenThough" they are sour as sin. We have a pantry full of pickeled okra, carrots, pepporcini peppers, green beans, cucumbers and the best roasted salsa you've ever tasted, "Even Though" our crop didn't produce as expected.
The point I felt God was making was this: "Even Though" you will never be perfect, your soil will never be with out work YOU will still produce fruit for I AM is your gardener. All that HE touches "Even Though" with imperfections still brings glory to HIM.

So, "Even Though" in this season of my life I do not write/blog everyday, I have no important meetings to go to (except my next dr.s apt.), I get angry with my children, I've secretly ordered a milk shake from DQ... God is still very much part of my life. He is my soul's gardener and He is never too busy, too distracted or too good to get His hands dirty in the details of my heart.

Today, I am praising God for the "Even Though" in my life.
I will continue to strive to give God my very best.
Knowing this will bless my husband, my kids and the rest.
The "Even Though" keeps me looking ahead
Not on the imperfect, what once was or the dead.
The "Even Though" holds my head high
For the "Even Though" is ment to draw me nigh
To my Saviour -it's only in HIM that I can boast
With out the "Even Tough" my pride would make me roast.

OH - One more thing! One day (a long, long, time from now) our garden may be featured in a magazine for it's beauty and win all kinds of awards but my home will be empty. There will be no diapers to change, stories to tell or little hands to hold. The only tears I will have to wipe will be my own. So in the mean time I'll weed when I get the chance and sow seeds of kindness, goodness, gentleness (on good days) to my precious children - the most fertile ground entrusted to me. It won't be long and my season for planting will have passed and the flowers of their childhood will be but faded memories. If you ever stop by my blog and are dissapointed that nothing new has been posted know that I am in the garden of my family life and I'll write when the next spare quiet moment appears..."Even Though" they may be few:)

May God meet you where you are "Even Though" you may not like the place you are in.

Stacy

The Daddies That Did

2008-06-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

This is a story about Daddies

who wanted to show God to their kids.

They planned, packed, kissed the mommies good-bye

and camping is what they did!

The Daddies arrived, the children unloaded.

Tents were pitched. Agendas were ditched.

Off to explore,

little Indians ran and played.

The Daddies inhaled

and praised God for the splendid day.

God took the praise

and replied in the form of a kiss-

From their little children

whose mommies they did not miss.

These Daddies wanted to show

God to their kids

So they rallied their troops, put on hiking boots

and ascended the Mountain is what they did.

The path was beaten, the children arrived

a little tattered and bruised

But how could you explain

with words a beautiful view?

The rocks, the trees, the buzzing of bees

revealed God along the way.

But the view from the top

removed any words they could say.

The children praised God

for His amazing creation plan.

God received their praise and returned it

with their Daddies extended hands.

There were some Daddies who wanted to show

God to their kids....

So they descended the Mountain, grabbed a snack

and to the river is what they did.

The sound of rushing water, the feel of pebbles smooth

and the still reflection of the sky blue

Were all ways of God showing His kids

how He delights in you.

The Daddies gave God praise for creating

a perfect place to play and splash.

God received the praise and sent it back with

the glorious sound of their children's laugh.

There were some Daddies who wanted to show

God to their kids.

They built a fire for their children

to dry off and warm.

They cooked them supper and fed them campfire entrees

that were not the everyday norm.

They laughed and played,

giggled, talked and chattered.

The children delighted in the fact that they had

their Daddies and nothing else mattered.

There were some Daddies who wanted to show

God to their kids...

it's no surprise

that is exactly what they did!

No Petals Missing

2008-06-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

When I turned 18 Ryan gave me a poem for my birthday, "The White Rose". I won't share the whole poem but just a piece that God has been using to minister to me recently, "She is like the white rose with no petals missing. God has mended them back together. During my prayers He was listening." White roses have been a symbol that God has used to remind me of my salvation. The cleansing and healing that began when I said yes to Jesus' offer of a new start (1 Cor 5:17). I've been a Christian now for almost 12 years. To this day I can't pass up a white rose with out fondly remembering my first love Jesus and my second, Ryan the man who introduced me to Him.

Mother's Day, we stopped by Lowes for who knows what. The next thing I know, Ryan comes out of the garden center with 2 huge rolling tower carts loaded with Jackson and Perkins 5 gallon rose bushes. They were somewhat neglected but for the most part in decent condition. The manager wanted to make room for more inventory and sold each cart to us for $25.00. The bill was over $900.00 worth of roses that we got for $50.00. As we unloaded them onto our driveway God brought the "no petals missing" phrase to mind. I began to investigate each rose bush for color - we had every color you can think of - Veterans Honor(Red), Knock Out(Magenta), Tahitian Sunset(Peachy/Orange) - but there was one I had my eye out for. In the midst of a rainbow of colors there was ONE pure white rose bush. I was flooded with AWE as to how God reminded me on Mother's Day of my salvation, my new start, the changes in my heart. How different my life would be with out my God.

There would be petals missing. No healing. Broken. Misplaced. No joy. No peace. No freedom. Tainted love. Petals missing, gaping holes, wounds that wouldn't heal. No hope.

My husband has played such a HUGE role in taking me to God. For when I did not know God, Ryan prayed that his wife would. Ryan, though a sophomore in High School, prayed for his wife - not knowing her difficulty, shame or strife. No petals missing, thank God during his prayer's heaven was listening.

If you get to come our way
Notice the roses
Sit and stay
For my husband planted each one
He has praised God that I walk with the Son
No Petals Missing
My life full and complete
Fresh from our garden
Fragrance blooms
I thank God for my groom.

Two little girls, love to play
Come to me with petals they've picked that day
No Petals missing
My life full and complete
My husband, my friend,
You brought me to Jesus' feet.

Ryan, God hears your prayers!

EXCUSES. EXCUSES.

2008-06-12T17:59:00.000-07:00

So many excuses as to why I've not updated my blog. However, to save you time I will limit it to one! First trimester exhaustion. If I am not eating I am looking for a place to take a nap. My house is not clean, my garden is not weeded, my yard needs water and my blog needs an up-date. My children on the other hand are played with, read to, tickled and fed. My husband is not neglected and has more patience with me than I have ever given him credit for!

We had our first sonogram on Monday to peek at our Baby Buck. Masie Kate got to come with us. The night before I asked her, "what if we see two babies instead of one". She started crying and said one is enough! I totally agree. We saw one tiny but strong heart beat. Masie says the baby was standing on her (we're just used to girls) head. What a blessing it was to see this healthy 10wk old baby...I was deeply moved. Then it was if God decided to show off, the baby (3 cm in length) began to suck her thumb! We were all amazed and give God complete credit for the details of our Baby Buck. In the pictures of the sonogram she has the exact profile of her dad and sister Katelyn! My mind can hardly wrap around how creative God is.

Following is an entry from my journal regarding "Baby Buck"
May 2, 2008
It's 10:00 pm and I am starving!
Could it be you-
Whispering peanut butter and honey will see me through?
You are my darling, such a fresh thought.
It's been a few days since we got the news,
'We will be expecting a glorious you!
9 months is so long to wait.
Until then your sisters, daddy and I
will dream and pray for your coming -
Not a day late.
Your sister Masie has spread the news that
Katelyn is going to be the Big Sis of you.
You are known by God and growing in me.
I praise God that I am your mommy-to be!

Compare, Compete -Compacted!

2008-05-27T13:20:00.000-07:00

At the end of my counseling session today with Ginger Gray, she said that I should ask God this question, "Lord who do YOU say I am?" I have cared way too much about how I measure up by the world's standards. I have had the habit of comparing my looks, my parenting, how clean my house is with everyone else. I have this picture in my head of a trash compactor - every time I make a comparison to someone else my self esteem gets compacted, squashed. The more I compare the more compacted I become - less able to see myself as the woman God created me to be. What goes in a trash compactor anyway? Things that get tossed. Not things that are treasured and certainly not things that will remain.

So during some spare time at EZ's restaurant I asked God the big question, "Who do YOU say I am?" I asked and expected a response...He's not just God, He's my Dad. I determined in my heart that I would write what came to mind, believe what I wrote and receive God's heart for me. Following is what I recorded:

Father, You are always more concerned with matters of the heart than of the face. Who do YOU say I am?
You, Stacy, my love are MY beloved daughter. You were made in MY image to bring glory and honor to ME. Your heart was made to cry out before me, to worship Me. I will break your heart for what breaks MINE. I send you out daily to bring MY light to dark places. I do this because your heart beats for ME not because of your face. You, Stacy, are glorious in my site. I love your sensitivity to MY voice. Keep listening for me, I will not be silent. Your world needs ME so go now...to the poor, abused, ashamed, alone. I will not let the world over take you because you belong to ME. You, I am fiercely protective of. Your heart is for ME and I am in love with you. Stay soft, seek My face and you will find it. Keep knocking and I will open the most unopenable doors.

It feels kind of silly sharing this love letter between me and God with you. However, imagine getting this kind of letter in the mail from someone important in your life. Ryan left me a note by the coffee pot a few months ago sharing his heart about me. I believed and received every word of it. In fact I have it on my fridge and read it all the time. I posted this so I would be reminded of God's thoughts toward me, His plan to light up my world by walking through it with me.

When I closed my journal at EZ's, sitting across from me was a military man, his wife and infant girl. I remembered what I just had written, "Your world needs ME so go now". I bought the couple two shakes - a chocolate and a vanilla - and had them delivered to their table. The man approached me later and asked if I was responsible? I looked a little guilty. He went on to tell me that his wife cried and said she thought that stuff only happened on commercials. I told him the price of those two shakes was nothing compared to the price he and his wife pay for me and my family. He got quiet, then responded, "I am about to be deployed". I told him I would pray for his wife while he was gone. His baby girl was one month old. May God send many people into his wife's life to surround her with support and encouragement. May God be with her in the lonely nights and with him in the face of the enemy. Bring that husband and father home, untouched by war. You are a God who is capable of miracles.

Now that is not the stuff that gets thrown into a trash compactor! God considers beautiful the feet (not the face) of the one who delivers good news! The simple action of milk shakes totally blessed me because God showed me his heart for these total strangers and for me...He cares! I know sharing this story with you ruins the honor of being anonymous. However, this is what God cares about - people- me and you. God uses us to bring a little of Him to everyday places. It is not the size of our jeans, the brand of our purses or the gym we belong to that matters to God. We were not created to compare ourselves to what gets thrown into a trash compactor - you were created to make a difference...which will remain long after we have gone. LOVE WINS!

Look for Him
Join Him today
In blessing a stranger along the way
It is exciting
It is fun
To be part of a work that God has begun
You never know what a simple act will do
But you will be better 'cause God called on you!

Blogalicious Babes!

2008-05-21T19:38:00.000-07:00

Is this blog layout cute I mean blogalicious or what? When my friends Steph and Staci got into fixing up their blogs and discovering the world of HTML I settled in my heart that I would just be behind. It took me ALL day to come up with my old layout and plan - there is no way I could have made my lay out look like a scrapbook page. I told God that I would do my best not to covet their adorable, eye candy blogs and I would embrace the cold fact that I was to write and that is all I have time for. However, God had pity on my self-pity and gave my girlfriends the idea that there were lots of moms like me who have no time and little creativity. They are starting "blogalicious designs" and needed someone to practise on. God is so good because I think my site totally captures who I am, my style and all that I love. Thanks Steph and Staci! If you can't tell I REALLY want you to check out their own blogs to see what they've done. You'll love their creativity and they are both really good writers...so have fun! If you need some help starting your own blogalicious blog or need a "consult" about all this techie stuff -these girls are a dynamic duo!

Freedom-A Mother's Gift

2008-05-13T04:31:00.000-07:00

For Mother's Day, I told Masie that I wanted to go out for breakfast. The idea of my kitchen staying clean through one more meal so appealed to me:) So Masie gave Ryan a sales pitch for me and we ended up at a very crowded Jim's. I devoured my buttermilk pancakes - I forgot how good pancakes taste when you don't have to cook them.

During breakfast we noticed a young beautiful mother, with 3 small little girls. One was in a baby carrier, the other little girl was about two in a darling green gingham dress, and the third little girl was about five who looked just like her mother. This mommy was at Jim's alone on Mother's Day.

Masie and I found the manager and asked if he would give us her ticket. It was time to check out and this little family was leaving at the same time. Masie made a be-line to her and her little chicks and told them that we bought their breakfast and wanted to share her candy with each of the girls. The mother, Monica, was so appreciative. Then she began to cry. She said her husband was in Iraq and it took a lot to be around happy people. I told her that God cares for her and her children and a free breakfast was a small way of showing it. Then we hugged... total strangers in a crowded restaurant with motherhood in common.

Looking back I wish I would have gotten her number. I can't get her and her babies out of my mind. How many other mom's were alone and even un-celebrated on Sunday? The rest of the day I spent praying for God to encourage and strengthen Monica as she ministers to each of her children with out a physical hug of affirmation from her husband.

It blows my mind how much freedom really costs and how for granted I take it. Monica was alone at Jim's on my behalf.

The best $20.00 I ever spent
Was on a mommy - she was heaven sent
All alone in a crowded place
This mommy had sadness on her face
Seemingly unnoticed but noticed by God
Was this mommy's longing
For her husband's hand...
His hand to hold, his hand to kiss
His hands were deeply missed.
The best $20.00 I ever spent
Was on a mommy -she was heaven sent
She doesn't know it but maybe she will
That God is so proud of her - sitting alone
So strong for her girls but longing for home
She doesn't know it but maybe she will
That God surrounds her and dances for this Mommy still.
This mommy danced even with rain
She danced for her children in the middle of her own pain
How heaven delights in motherhood,
The cost of freedom so misunderstood
The best $20.00 I ever spent
was to know that being a free American mommy is heaven sent.

Shield of Faith

2008-05-06T04:35:00.000-07:00

Please join me in thanking God for His faithfulness, healing and perfect peace for the Buck family. We have seen God answer prayers, heal relationships and heal physically. Ron came home from the hospital on Friday. He was in the hospital 8 days. Eating was a little scary and rest was difficult but he managed. I never heard him complain. Carolyn, my mother-in-law, was by his side, caring for him, keeping him company and managing quiet during their stay. Many, many friends sent hilarious cards about "doctors visits" so that he had to hold a pillow over his stomach when he laughed.

Ron came home and is doing fantastic. He is walking, eating and getting bored:) We could not have asked for a better recovery. We have shared many meals with him and I am blown away how God has "shown off" with his son, Ron. Prayer really works - it is not coincidence, luck or by chance that Ron is doing so well. He doesn't have a colostomy, he doesn't throw up after eating, he still has all of his stomach, he delights in his grandchildren more than ever and gives God all the credit.

During surgery, Dr. Bodie, removed 26 lymph nodes and had them biopsied. Out of all 26, only one showed signs of cancer. After meeting with an oncologist, he ordered for Ron to go through 6 months of chemo for preventative measures. It will be the pill and IV form of chemo though. I know we prayed no chemo so it seems that God didn't answer our prayers. However, God knows the desires of our heart. He knows that we would rather have Ron experience life to it's fullest - embracing his grand children's children and walking the "senior" years with his wife. The chemo is low doses and should have minimal side effects. We also know God's hand is in this - the original plan was to remove 2 lymph nodes. - if this was done we may not of known until it was too late that cancer was spreading. God's timing is perfect. Have you scheduled a physical yet?

Ron and Carolyn had my children over last night. Katelyn (20 mo) disappeared and when Carolyn found her she was sitting right next to Poppy, leaning on him - loving on him. That is priceless and I say thank you for praying. Ron is an amazing, godly, gentle man who appreciates life and has gathered those he loves so very close. How different things could have been!

On a final note, I wanted to share some news that has blessed me. After our praise session and Ron finished quoting the "Never Let Go Song", Ron opened his eyes and looked directly at me and asked very clearly, "Stacy, are you pregnant?" If you know Ron, if you start talking about "womanly" things he turns red and will leave the room. Mind you he had been out of surgery just 45 min, has spoken blessings over each of his children and looks like he has seen God. So when he asked me this I was a little surprised - "Well, Poppy, I uh, I uh could be I guess...". Ron responded, "Well if you were I would be really really happy."

In August on my 10 year wedding aniv, I miscarried my 3rd child. Following this event I found out very quickly that you can sin in your grief. I have known God as my savior, my friend, my counselor but I had yet to know God as my comforter. As my comforter, He has used the least suspecting people to walk alongside me - hand picked by God to lift my face from the floor to the sky. Grief has subsided, healing has taken place and room has been made for another member of our family. I am not surprised that God used Ron, the "least suspecting" person to speak a blessing over the next member of our family. Ron and Carolyn will be welcoming their 12th grandchild into the world in early January 2009. (An even dozen is better anyways)

Eph 6:16, In every battle you will need FAITH as your SHIELD to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan.

A "shield of faith" is what we use to defend ourselves in spiritual battles in this life. A "shield of faith" is hiding behind what God has already done in our lives. For example, when Ron and Carolyn look out their kitchen window they see a beautifully landscaped yard that was planted by hands that were not their own. God provided people to show them His love, care and existence. This is their "Shield of Faith" to face the next trial in their life. Their "Shield of Faith" is that God spared Ron's life for a reason - so Ron will hide behind that as he navigates through his life finding and fulfilling God's purpose. Ron's "Shield of Faith" is that God walked with him through cancer, surgery and recovery and HE will walk with him through the days of chemo. What was once ordinary everyday is now extrodanary every day because Ron has his "shield of faith" that life is precious, fragile and ment to be expeirienced with friends and family.

My "shield of faith" regarding this pregnancy is God is my comforter. He knows how to care for my heart better than I ever could. My "shield of faith" is knowing that God is who He says He is -all knowing - and I can rest in that. God is all knowing - He knows this child by name, has a story already written for this "Baby Buck", He even knows that sound of our child's voice even if I never hear it myself. My "shield of faith" is that God is faithful even in grief. My "shield of faith" is knowing that because of sorrow I devour the joy my children bring. Finally, what I know from this experience with Ron is prayer works. So I hide behind my "sheild of faith" believing many of you will pray for a healthy pregnancy and delivery of our "Baby Buck" and God will delight in the prayers of His people.

What has God done for you in the past? Scripture tells us that we NEED our "shield of faith" to STOP the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan.

There is a very real enemy for your life
This enemy steals joy and causes strife
There is a very real God who has plans for you
Stand behind what He has done
Pick up your shield of faith
The enemy is sure to run
Satan may try with all his might-
he'll focus his scope, sharpen his arrows, he's got you in his site
Do not fear
The lamb of God has drawn you near
Peace be with you, Do not fear
For I AM has whispered in your ear
Walk with ME, lay your burdens down
In life you will have trials, surely suffering too
Pick up your shield of faith
God almighty has walked with you.
Fiery arrows will come your way
but this day they did not hit they did not stay
For you recognized God and what He has done along the way.

May God meet you where you are -

Stacy

Shouts of Joy

2008-04-25T08:48:00.000-07:00

Wow! The last 15 days have been packed with desperate pleas and crying to God for him to heal my father-in-law, Ron Buck. When he was diagnosed with colon cancer we were totally shocked. He had all appearances of health, good looks and no symptoms. He just went in for an annual physical. When the blood work showed his iron was low and blood in a stool sample, a colonoscopy was ordered. For you men who cringe at the word - you are completely sedated when this procedure takes place. I know that Ron would encourage every man 40 and over to be wise. If Ron would have waited one more year - we would be planning his funeral! If one person is encouraged to schedule an annual physical because of Ron - every ounce of this has been worth it!

On Wednesday, April 23, our pastors and a few members of our church staff came out to Ron's house for prayer. I know that our prayers (yours included) did not just fall into empty air. However, each request fell at the feet of God. We had a fantastic time of prayer. Ron shared his heart about having cancer. He said if one person is "spiritually" encouraged and healed because of his suffering it was all worth it. Ron also shared that he has total peace with God and every tear that he has shed is not because of the "c word" or surgery - his tears have been because he has experienced the overwhelming love that God feels for him through people - you and me! Carolyn said that her heart is being healed through this experience. She shared that God loves and accepts her "just as she is". She didn't have to be a perfect Christian before God poured out His peace on her. God met her where she was, lavished her as a father lavishes his daughter, and brought her PERFECT PEACE. All the while, Carolyn took hold of God's extended hand and joined Him in her journey!

When the prayer session was over, we walked our pastors to their car. In the distance, praise music was playing. We live in the country and our neighbors are acres apart. It was as if angels were singing from a mountaintop, "How great is our God! All the world will see, how great is our God!". I am not kidding - those words of praise-"All the world will see, how great is our God!" really were playing somewhere in my neighborhood! What a perfect promise. We were all so encouraged.

By the time Ron went into surgery yesterday, we were prayed up and strengthened by your prayers. My sister-in-law Toni prayed for boldness. She asked the surgeon, "How do you know the cancer is still there? Our family is a praying family and we believe that God is going to heal my dad." That's pretty bold. As we waited, we were surrounded by close friends and family. A friend sent an ice chest of cold drinks and the most delicious ham salad! We were so taken care of. The final hour of waiting, we fought to maintain our peace. I think each of us were in our own battle of believing God for the best. At exactly 4:00 Dr. Bodie came and got us. He took us to the 7th floor to the SSICU.

Grab onto your seats! The next few paragraphs are a direct result of YOUR prayers. As you read this, I pray that God would show Himself to you as the loving, accepting, perfect God He is. You were part of a miracle! He has a plan for our family and He has a plan for yours! It is called destiny and my prayer is that You would accept God's extended hand and join HIM in your journey!

Dr. Bodie said that Ron's white blood cell count was elevated and he had a slight temperature when Ron first went in. With those two discoveries Dr. Bodie was prepared to find the worst. The cancer in his large intestine was removed (plan A all the way). Dr. Bodie SEARCHED for more cancer and found NONE! There was no "seepage" which would've been Stage 3 Colon Cancer! There was nothing else - zip - zero - zilch! Dr. Bodie removed the 2 lymph nodes that showed up "questionable" on the original CTscan. HOWEVER, he said they looked FINE. It is possible the pathology report will say cancer cells were found in the lymph nodes and chemo will be needed. However, nothing is impossible with God!

Here is the part that gets me! Dr. Bodie said to our gathered family, "I hear you are a family of prayer. That was a PERFECT surgery - from start to finish. If it were a perfect world that is the kind of surgery people would experience." Whether Dr. Bodie believes in God or not - He sure credited the SUCCESS to PRAYER! We gathered together in the hall way and gave God thanks. Dr. Bodie asked we pray that he wouldn't have to take call this weekend:)

About 45 min after the surgery, Ron was receiving visitors! He called for each of his children and spoke a blessing to each one of them. He was completely coherent, remembering the tiniest details of his loved ones. When I went in there I was SHOCKED. Methodist should have taken his picture for surgery advertisement. He looked 20 years younger! His color was tan (glowing), his face was full - not gaunt. It was amazing to see him look so HEALTHY - just 45 min earlier he was having a surgery that could have taken his life and there he was looking like he could have been on the cover of GQ! He looked better after the surgery than he did before.

Carolyn, Toni and I held Ron's hands and began to praise God. Ron, with tubes in his mouth and eyes closed began to whisper the words to Matt Redman's, You Never Let Go:

Oh no, You never let go through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, You never let go in every high and every low. Oh no, You never let go, Lord, You never let go of me.

God fulfilled His promise of peace.

He showed up during the storm.

He held onto Ron with all His might.

God's perfect plan for Ron was given flight

The first almost 60 years

were filled with joy and sometimes tears

The years ahead will be different

God met his son, let him taste peace

When the going gets tough, Ron, remember Me

As you walk along the way

Gather your grandchildren

(Tyler, Taryn, Tristan, Hannah, Tate, Kendall, Masie Kate, Teagan, Darian, T, Katelyn) and say

"There was a time when I knew God and He knew me...

but there was a DAY when he returned life to me and set me free."

Ron sat with his DAD, perched on His knee.

God said, "Live each day out loud for me - telling all about eternity."

If God had chosen to take Ron to His heavenly home -

Ron would be okay because Jesus he has known.

How about you? Would you say?

Our life on earth is so very short, an eternity is a long time to stay...

Give God your heart - He'll give you His home

He'll walk with you through tomorrow's unknown.

Friends, Family and Passers by we are overwhelmed, for God heard your cry

Peace we have walked in, Peace we will stay

We are better because you joined us along the way.

Many, Many, Thanks!

Those who plant showers of tears will harvest SHOUTS OF JOY! Psalm 126:5

Sit With Me

2008-03-31T04:38:00.000-07:00

As we prepared for Easter, I was humbled when I spoke to Masie Kate about the upcoming holiday. All she could talk about was the Easter Bunny and all the candy she was going to get. I felt sick about this but honestly knew that I was responsible for Masie's focus. I began praying about what God wanted for my family and how to celebrate the miracle of Jesus' resurrection. I was surprised when the first thing that came to mind was, "The Last Supper".

The Last Supper was a special time for Jesus and His disciples. Jesus knew what events lay ahead of Him. He reserved an "upper room". Just think of the size of the table...it had to seat at least 13. He prepared a table for His dearly loved, knowing that many of them would soon be His enemy. He removed their sandals, washed and rubbed their tired feet. This wasn't a "Board Room" type meeting...Jesus didn't hand out agendas or address the "heat" coming from all the religious leaders. Jesus knew that He was going to be crucified and His disciples were going to experience the excruciating grief of losing a loved one, the painful memories of their King being stripped of every earthly dignity and the black shadow of shame. So what did Jesus do? He met their most basic needs. He set His table for the ones He loved with the expectation of outrageously and humbly serving all who entered that room.

When I know that suffering is ahead the last thing I think about is the needs of everyone else. For example with my youngest, Katelyn, I had a "scheduled" delivery. I loved knowing the day she would be born because I got to wrap up the thousands of details prior to "D" day. I knew from previous experience:) that they do not call "labor" labor for nothing. Pain was coming. So the day before, I completely and totally pampered myself. I had a pedicure...which was paid for by a total stranger. She either felt sorry for the condition of my huge ankles or she shared in my expectation for the uncertainties the next day held. I had my house cleaned by someone other than myself. My father chauffeured me around to make returns and exchanges. My mother tolerated my moodiness. My parents took me to lunch, dinner, and dinner again (hey I couldn't eat after midnight!). My husband being the brilliant man that he is stayed home and planted our fall garden. I think he was preparing for the worst...waiting on me hand and foot. The day was about me, for tomorrow held the birth of a new chapter of service, love and devotion.

When I thought about Jesus and His servanthood to His little family I was overwhelmed. I knew that I was to try and model His example. So I prepared to feed, serve and go over the top in any area I was capable of with Masie Kate at my side. I went to foodnetwork.com and gathered recipes that I could manage for our Easter brunch. I made a Tangerine Glazed Ham. Masie squeezed 8 tangerines to make the 2 cups of juice it called for (my floor is still sticky). We made lemon poppy seed muffins from scratch - next time I will open a box. However, this year I wanted our hands to do the work. Besides, if nothing I served was homemade then the prayers would have been limited because all my guests knew that I am not the most experienced cook and sometimes it's a prayer that will allow you to stomach what I've prepared. We served Paula Deen's recipe for, Pecan Praline French Toast Casserole. I have never had more cream and butter in my fridge for one occasion. We ate so good. Ryan picks on me and swears that ham was the best brisket he has ever had:)

Masie and I collected the best dishes we could put our hands on. We laid our lace table cloth and set out new robins egg blue place mats. She is all about finishing touches - we made place cards, we printed the menu and we hunted Easter morning for Mountain Laurels that were freshly bloomed. When you entered our house Easter morning all of your senses were awakened...the table was beautiful, the combination of citrus from the ham and cinnamon from the french toast told your mouth that something delicious was coming, there was the sound of laughter and conversation (joy), and the holding of hands as we gathered to bless the food overwhelmed me personally.

The whole week leading up to this Easter Sunday I got to speak to Masie about the last supper, Jesus death (we went to the Good Friday service at church) and His resurrection. Our conversations happened naturally as we made preparations for our guests. She loved it and loved that she was at my side. I remember her response when I gave her the job of zesting lemons for the muffins. She hugged me and told me I was the best mom ever. The whole experience blessed me. I loved that my little hostess greeted the guests, served drinks and worked hard at being gentle to her pesky sister.

God had my attention. Masie and I prepared our table because we had the expectation that the seats would be sat in, the glasses filled and the forks used. We didn't prepare the table just to be looked at but to be sat at. We knew the most important part of the Brunch was not the food or the table but it was our guests. With every detail complete I heard the whisper of God telling me, "I've a place for you at My table. Come sit with Me, let Me feed and comfort you. Come sit at My table and rest awhile...for I know what tomorrow holds so sit with Me today. "

Easter really was a celebration this year in our home. We celebrated who Jesus is. He is our servant, our provider, our comforter, our perfect portion of love and grace. Jesus cares for the needs of His people. Easter will be here again next year but tonight I will prepare my table for my family and remember that I am modeling the care that Jesus gave His disciples. I imagine out of all the miracles and time spent with Jesus that the most remembered and cherished time was when Jesus took care of them. There were many important people in Jesus' life and important places for Jesus to go...but on His last night He showed there were none more important than those around His table.

God has a place for you at His table.

The ministry of your everyday

requires time to sit and pray.

Come to His table and sit a while.

I can't imagine the size of your Host's smile.

You have an important job to do

So let the Host prepare a meal for you.

You will be nourished, your body given strength

Your soul will not be thirsty

Sit a while and drink.

Sit with me says the Host

I am Your Father and I love You the most.

Stay at my table as long as you like

The ministry of your life is not an easy hike.

Eat until you are full, tell me about your day

For I know the plans I have for you

Just sit with me along the way.

Consistency

2008-03-18T04:34:00.000-07:00

Last night, I could not get this word out of my head: consistency. For my Birthday last year my mom bought me a gardenia bush. It was a $50 plant. When I received it, white fragrant flowers covered the entire bush. A gardenia takes partial shade/partial sun and Ryan built the perfect place in our front yard for it to call home. Out of my bedroom window I can see whether or not it has any blooms and try to enjoy them before Masie Kate gets her little fingers on them.

Throughout the summer and fall we regularly and consistently watered this plant...not that it was on my calendar to do so but because we were outside all the time and other plants showed symptoms of thirst. If one got a drink they all got a drink. However, winter disguised the drought that was taking place outside my bedroom window. Everything in our yard was brown, we stayed inside more and we used our sprinklers to water. On occasions I would notice a yellow leaf or two on the gardenia bush and be reminded to give this plant a dose of water. When I watered it I would leave to hose on it for a long time and give it a "good drink" but then I would walk away and not come back until a "yellow" leaf got my attention. A plant may survive with this "shock and awe" way of watering but it certainly will not thrive. Needless to say my care lacked consistency and this gardenia died. One yellow leaf unnoticed turned to the whole bush. It is not that I didn't love and enjoy this flower I just wasn't consistent in my care.

God has entrusted two precious flowers to me. Their petals are soft and blonde, their eyes are deep and brown and their limbs are constantly moving in the breeze of childhood. It is my job to nurture to the best of my ability...CONSISTENTLY modeling humility, gratefulness, joy, repentance and prayer. Daily I notice a little "yellowing" of character in one or both of these girls. My prayer is that I wouldn't drown them in correction then leave them in dry and thirsty until the next yellow leaf. I cry out for these little blooms...I am not perfect. My mom says that even the best of gardeners loose (she really said kill but loose sounds a little kinder) a crop. The crop that I call my children can not afford to be left unattended to...the world offers nothing that will satisfy their thirst. It is my job as their gardener to CONSISTENTLY water them, CONSISTENTLY prune away the dead leaves of yesterday's mistakes and CONSISTENTLY work the soil of their hearts - weeding out the seeds of selfishness and disrespect.

God heard my cry for help
He whispered to me that I am free to make mistakes
but do not give up
Water a little each day
and I will walk with you along the way.
These little blooms you tuck in at night
are never out of MY site.
They may wonder, they may stray
but they will not grow thirsty
for you brought them to me each day.
Keep calling out to Me, I will guide you
'cause your work one day will be through
These little flowers will fill their world with fragrance
for their Gardener walked along side you.

After writing the above portion, I had to ask myself "When is the last time your soul had a good long drink"? I so easily try and live off of last month's soul soaking. If I am honest, I've tried to make a "Ladies Retreat" soaking last until the next retreat. Before long I have a "yellowing" in all areas of my character and I wonder what happened. I opened my Bible this morning and I felt the wilting of my soul perk up, peace went ahead of my day and I have had more than enough to give to my husband and children. Water your soul a little everyday - you might be surprised by what a little time in the refreshing word of God will do.

If you haven't read lately try James or 1 & 2 Timothy. I am always encouraged by both of these books. Blessings and my your life be a little greener for stopping by!

HOPE

2008-03-17T18:23:00.000-07:00

Spring is my favorite season! Don't get me wrong, I love a cozy fire, my husband's tortilla soup and my killer boots I got for Christmas. However, brown grass, an empty garden and layers of frumpy clothes just do not do it for me.

As long as I can remember, as spring begins to peek it's head around the last freeze my mom will say to me, "Let's go check the crop". We usually do this at daybreak, a blanket around our shoulders and a steaming cup of coffee. We would walk around her garden and inspect her flowers. We are looking for Spring...where the empty stalks and limbs throw off the covers from their winter sleep and awake with signs of new growth. This time with my mom is a favorite.

With my two little blondies, we have been checking our own crop. My Masie Kate has an eye for anything beautiful. She was the first to spot "Spring" at our house. We have a pear tree in our front yard. All winter, it was a tower of skinny gray sticks greeting our visitors. She came running into the house, yelling "Mommy Daddy, Spring is here!" My little flock fluttered to the pear tree and on the long skinny slick sticks were tiny green buds. Hope. In just a few days, stretching out of the bud came soft pear colored leaves. As the leaves said hello to my brood a day later the tree had beautiful white blooms. I smile at the thought of these blooms because it reminds me of Easter dresses...white, soft, and fresh. I have to bargain with Masie, "you can pick the pansies but not the pear blossoms." These dainty white flowers will become delicious pears one day.

Spiritually I am coming out of winter. The outlook from my heart has been colorless, lacking in joy. Deep beneath the surface of my smile lay deeply rooted weeds...fear, insecurity, jealousy, hurt. As winter comes to an end there is much work a gardener must do. Just today, I spent hours in our garden pulling weeds. The last six weeks, through counseling, I have been pulling weeds from my heart. In a garden you pull weeds for many reasons. First, you pull weeds to make room. Weeds are invasive. We have "Texas Verbena" growing like crazy in our garden. It produces a beautiful purple flower with darling finger-like leaves. However, a weed is a weed. Weeds in a garden compete for space in fertile soil, compete for water and nutrients. The same is true for our hearts. Hurt left undealt with gives root to bitterness - the more the hurt is neglected and rehearsed the more fervent bitterness grows. Bitterness, unforgiveness, and jealousy are invasive the compete for room in the fertile soil of our hearts. God wants to plant seeds of goodness, forgiveness, gentleness, peace, security but you have to make room. I can't tell you how many wheelbarrows full of "Texas Verbena" I pulled from the precious space we call our garden. I had to make room...Spring is coming. With every row removed of weeds I felt something growing inside me...HOPE.

My hope began to grow because I no longer was focused and tangled in the weeds. With the rows free the deep, rich soil was waiting for me. The soil was saying any seed you place within me I will bring out life. As Masie and I planted "Razzmatazz" sunflower seeds we talked about the outcome we expected. We dreamed about the color of "Razzmatazz" and envisioned what our fence would look like towering with "Mammoth" sunflowers. We sowed sunflowers and we expect sunflowers. To my surprise, I sowed jealousy and was shocked that I reaped the consequence of jealousy...insecurity. To my surprise, I nurtured seeds of hurt and was shocked that I reaped the consequence...bitterness.

In the garden today I prepared my rows. I cleaned them up - freed them of weeds and rocks. Ryan and Masie came behind me and planted. They planted corn, squash, cucumbers, pole beans, watermelon, cantaloupe and a few tomatoes.

As I walked from our garden
the day's work had been done.
The rows now looked empty,
but the gardener knows that deep within the soil
something new has begun.
God whispered to me as I dusted my knees -
you've pulled some tough weeds and made room for more of ME.
Your winter, Stacy, is coming to an end -
keep pulling and digging up the roots.
I will pour Myself into you and you will bare delicious fruit.
Don't let the soil of your heart harden,
keep it loose with the turning of every page of My Word
for there is so much you have not heard.
My Gardener knows that winter is not the end
but winter introduces Jesus' gardening hand.

1 Peter 5:10 After you have suffered a little while(Winter), he will restore, support, and strengthen you(Spring), and he will place you on a firm foundation(Hope).

1 Peter 4:19 If you are suffering according to God's will(Winter), keep on doing what is right (prepare for Spring) and trust (HOPE) yourself to the God who made you, for he will NEVER fail you.